St. Joseph and Prayer

I'm not sure what mass it was at, but I keep thinking about what Father said during his homily about St. Joseph. He, St. Joseph, was a man of great prayer.
This is not an understanding that I ever thought about much. We know that he was a good guy and was also a good foster father to Jesus. Before all of that though, Joseph was a man of prayer. He would have done all that he was supposed to do as a Jewish gentleman and probably then some. What is most important is that because he had such a good prayer life he could tell when God was speaking to him. When the angel appeared to him in a dream he didn't question. His closeness to God assured him that God was instructing him, and thank goodness for that. If Joseph had not been a man of prayer he could have just shaken off the dream went on with his life. Yet his relationship with God was so strong he knew when God was speaking to him.
Was does all this mean for me? The same old thing really. To know God's direction for my life more clearly I must grow closer to Him, and I do that by prayer.
I don't know why, but when I am home I struggle with my prayer life more then when I am alone at my apartment.
I've got a lot of work to do.

Peace all

Worst "Catholic" University

From what I've read and heard, Georgetown takes the cake for the worst large "Catholic" university, and as far as I know there is a petition out there to have its Catholic standing removed. I say go for it.
What is frustrating is the smaller "Catholic" universities and colleges that are out that might be doing just as much damage to the Catholic faith as big ol' Georgetown.
Especially frustrating is the fact that one of the "Catholic" universities is directly affecting one of my dear friends and I honestly don't know what I can do.
The University of Great Falls is very much, from what I've been told, Catholic only in name, not in action. Currently, they have no Catholic campus minister. There had been a young lady in the position earlier in the year, but she quit. Apparently she could not take the lack of support and gave up on fighting a losing battle. There is however a protestant campus minister who is at the moment in charge also of Catholic ministries, like setting up mass and being in charge of the Sacristy. This I find completely absurd and pretty much down right terrible. There is no daily mass and no permanent priest on campus to boot.
For some reason the president of the school is completely fine with this and basically asked the one person on campus trying to make sure the school has any visible Catholicity to kindly leave.
I know writing this isn't going to do much of anything.
I pray for the president of the University of Great Falls and for all the students who are not being given a proper and true Catholic education.

Being a Church Mouse

I never had a great word to describe myself when I am back at my home parish until last night. My father, who is very active at our parish, volunteered me to usher with him for a Christmas Eve mass. That was fine... I've basically come to expect that I will have to do something whenever I set foot in my home parish.
After arriving at church and getting my ushering duties underway I was also asked to be an Extraordinary Minister. Again, not a problem, I've worked double duty before.
With fifteen minutes to go before mass was supposed to start it was clear that we were going to have some overflow. This normally isn't a problem. We have a downstairs hall where the mass is broadcast so the overflow can still be a part of the mass. Problem was, the parish did not think this would be needed so there was no one to run the camera. Father came out and asked if anyone could run it... no response. So, yours truly got to run the camera while another usher and minister were found.
My Christmas Eve mass was spent by myself, sitting in front of screen controlling a little joystick to follow the mass so all at church could witness.
Towards the end of mass Father wanted to thank all those who helped with the mass including the church mice behind the scenes.
There you have it, I will forever remember being called a church mouse, because that is what I have been, was and will continue to be at my home parish. I work, quietly, behind the scenes and I'm happy to do so.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.
Peace and goodwill to all!

Full Circle Youth Ministry

The youth ministers in my diocese had a meeting today. Let me just say, I love these meetings. It is so great getting together with my co-workers to talk and share.
There were a few campus ministers there from a local college and university. Our intent was to dialogue with them about how we can better work together, youth ministers at parishes and campus ministers at schools. A lot of it just boiled down to passing on information and making sure our youth go off to college with the knowledge of who can continue to help them with their faith lives. It was a great discussion and I personally got a few ideas of how to help my youth transition to college. What blew me away was when a fellow youth minister talked about how this has to go full circle. We, as youth ministers also need the campus ministers to tell us when their graduates are joining our communities. For some reason this was not something that crossed my mind. It doesn't help me much that not many recent college grads have or will move to my current town. Yet still, this can and does happen in many communities.
It is possible to facilitate ministry coming full circle.
Imagine how amazing our parishes could be if there was a fluent and mostly smooth way for students to go full circle. Starting off at their home parishes as members of a youth group, then going off to college to become a member of an active campus ministry. Bring it all home when they graduate and go out into their new communities where they can become influential in a parish youth group. Such a circle of youth ministry would be awesome. It already happens, just look at all of us young people that are a part of ministry today. Still, it needs to improve, and I think it will.
I am optimistic for the future of youth ministry and our Church in general.

Peace all

God Won't Let Me Be Comfortable

I started an Adult Bible study a month or so ago. It's been great and something I have really looked forward to on Monday nights. Sharing and talking with adults about the faith is not something I have a lot of experience with. Nonetheless, things have gone great so far and the little group that has been there every Monday I feel very comfortable with.
I regret feeling so comfy cozy because I should have known that it would be shattered.
Last night an older gentleman joined us. I had never seen him before and from what I could tell no one else in the group knew who he was. He sat quietly until we finished up our opening prayer.
Immediately after prayer he asked if you could have a copy of it. I said sure and hit the print button... no big deal. As I tried to start discussion on what we covered last week he interrupted and wanted to know what Bible I was using. I said it was an RSV Ignatian Study Bible only to be followed by him giving a little speech about how there are different bibles out there and each one puts a different spin on things.
Okay, I could handle that, and it led to a bit of discussion. But the way this man spoke through me off guard. Despite the fact that I could not always follow what he was saying or trying to say, he spoke very loudly and quite literally stared at me while he spoke. All of this put me on edge for the rest of the night.
We got through two chapters of John's gospel and proceeded to begin discussion. Again, this gentleman spoke, bringing up points that I couldn't quite follow so all I could do was smile and nod my head as he stared at me. Thank God for the patience of the rest of the group. We continued to discuss topics that came up and things were going well. Through all this time I noticed that the gentleman kept staring at me a lot of the time... comfort is completely gone at this point, not the mention I am shaking a little bit because I am cold, coupled with the on-edge feeling that won't go away.
Finally, the evening and the gentleman start making a bit of sense. Our discussion improves, helped along a bit by our newcomer. It turns out he has not been to church in long time. From the sounds of it our new Pope is what has spurred him back. We attended mass last week and no doubt saw our adult bible study in the bulletin and here he was.
He turned out to be a nice gentleman, from what I can tell. Whether the elevator goes all the way to the top I can't quite tell. He said a few times how he wanted to write a prayer and was going to bring it to next weeks study. Whatever that is going to entail I will have to wait and see. He was also very interested in my study bible and wanted information on it.
I've never been comfortable around loose cannons. I was completely comfortable with the little group we had and that seems to be shattered for me now.
I know I'm complaining and that this is what happens to the faithful, we get tested and pulled out of our comfort zones all the time. Knowing that doesn't make it that much easier to handle though.
All I can do is pray to God for help to grow closer to him. Only then will I worry and fret less about "being comfortable".

Peace all

Being a Man of Prayer

So I have to give a little talk this weekend about being a man of prayer. Here is what I got, minus the PowerPoint presentation that goes along with it.

     Being a man of prayer is a duty we hold as Catholic gentleman, but it can be seen as a daunting task. To be a man of prayer there is one very essential understanding that needs to be accepted; prayer needs to be the center of our lives. To live a life without prayer is to live a life without a relationship with God. Jesus tells us in Luke's gospel to "pray always without becoming weary" (Luke 18:1). Think of Jesus himself and how often he prayed. We can read in many places in the gospels were Jesus prayed. Can you think of any right now? Whether alone on a mountain side or in the garden, with a group of his apostles, before a meal, during his Passion, and even for an entire night, prayer was a central part of Jesus' life. To be a man of prayer you must strive to emulate Jesus.
     Now there are some things we have to further understand about prayer if we are to make it central to our lives. One thing I was told growing up was that anytime I felt the need to pray, that was the Holy Spirit acting in my life. I have experienced many times when I can't explain why but I felt the need to pray or remembered that I needed to pray at a certain moment. Those were times when the spirit was active in my life. This is not a foreign concept because Paul tells us that the spirit will help us in our prayers (Romans 8:26-27). We as humans are incapable of praying perfectly so the spirit is there to help us, and I believe push us to pray and pray better.
     Yet, even though we always receive help in our prayers, making prayer central in our lives requires perseverance and faith. For some this can be very challenging. There is not a person out there that does not at times struggle in their prayer life and we cannot beat ourselves up when we do struggle. Two points that I believe are important here are one; we should not compare our own prayer lives to others, and two; we are incapable of praying perfectly. Regarding the first point, each person's prayer life is their own, it's their own relationship to God. If we begin comparing our own prayer lives to other people we can harm ourselves in a couple different ways.  We may feel frustrated because we think other people have better prayer lives or we may feel pride in thinking our prayer life is better then others and therefore think of ourselves as being better and essentially failing to be humble. I have to admit that I have experienced both in my own life. Being jealous of the prayer life of friends and also feeling way to good about myself for thinking I had a better prayer life. Now regarding the second point, we must understand that we really don't know what we are doing when we pray, especially as youngsters but even into adulthood. Clearly, this is why we need the spirit's help. But like most things in life, prayer takes practice. We cannot beat ourselves up when prayer does not come easily. We get distracted, we start and stop or can't find the right words. It happens to all of us, but with practice and the help of the Holy Spirit our prayer lives can and will improve.
     Men of prayer I believe fully live out and express one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit that is received at confirmation, that gift being the fear of the Lord. This gift is not about being afraid of God or his punishment. Fear of the Lord is more about a fear of being separated from the Lord. Think of a child who screams and cries when their parents drop them off at school for the first time or the kid who looses their mom or dad in a crowd and immediately they become scared and fearful. Just like that child, men of prayer fear being away from God. The thought of not having God in their life is unimaginable and unthinkable. A man of prayer has a relationship with God that cannot be broken easily because they pray often and maintain that relationship. To be a man of prayer you must desire a relationship with God, cultivate it and maintain it. They live out St. Paul's words to the Ephesians when he says to "pray at every opportunity in the Spirit" (Ephesians 6:18).

The Circle of Life

As I wind from Thanksgiving I have to stop and ponder my family interactions over the past year.
My grandfather is slowly developing dementia. He had some health scares a few years back and for the most part those have cleared up. It is his mind that is slipping and I have to admit is difficult to be a part of. I can only speculate, but if it were a quicker process maybe it would be easier. Reminding myself every time I see him that I need to be patient, and also wonder how my grandma is doing are common thoughts now. If it were quicker though, I'm sure that would only present different challenges. Fast or slow, I am grateful for the time I have with him.
There are good moments and bad moments. He tells us the same stories over and over again. Sometimes the stories change, sometimes he mixes one story with another. Those are the bad times, at least for now.
What I don't like, or at least it's something I worry about, is how some in my family treat him like a child. Yes, he might act like a kid every now and then, but its hard for me to watch others treat him like one.  I've made it a point for myself not to treat him like any less of a man.  That's the least I can do for him I figure.
It's weird actually seeing the circle of life come full tilt. I know many others out there have experienced this with their loved ones.
Personally, I don't know whether or not I need to plan for what I know, or at least can speculate, is coming in the near future.
I've been away from home and I still am at the moment, just not quite as far.
Do I take this as an opportunity to be there for my family, considering all that has happened and is currently happening, or am I using it as an excuse to not go out and, as they say, explore the world a little more?
Again, I think I know the answer, or at least what I would like to do.
Here's praying for clarity to know God's divine will for my life.

Peace all

What is Happiness?

I will not be happy until I can give my life over to God.
A bold and scary statement that my mind has been mulling over for a while. It's not that I'm unhappy or unappreciative of the many blessing I have in my life. I feel like I'm not really doing a whole lot with my life while I am in the prime of my life.
Being home for Thanksgiving for the first time in seven years was great. Yet, after seven years nothing has really changed.  We got together at the same places, with the same family members and ate the same food. And just like seven years ago, I'm single and feel very much like a college freshman who has no idea where his life is going.
With all the reading and living I have done, it's clear to me that doing God's will is what will bring me the most happiness, but how do I figure out what God's divine will is for me? Unfortunately I know that this is a question that cannot easily be answered. Every time in the past when I though I was on the right path it turned out to not be. Maybe I just have to be content in knowing that nothing for me comes quickly and I just have to be patient.
Articulating my wants and desires at the moment are difficult for me as well. I would love to have a family and be intimately close to someone whom I can share my life with. Still, I don't have the means to support a family nor will I be able to in the near future.
Maybe I need to do something radical and delve into something that will allow me to support a family someday.
Maybe... I think... someday...
It will happen, understanding I mean. I trust God and I know that the closer I get to God the more quickly and clearly He will respond to my prayers.
Self pity and loathing isn't helping. Only growing closer to God will help.
I will not be happy until I can give my life over to God (but if that could include a loving family that would sure be nice : )  )

Peace all

Turns Out I'm An Ambivert

Sometimes I can obsess over things... but really, who doesn't every once in a while?
Anyway, I came to the conclusion recently that I am an introvert.  I'm quiet, I avoid people sometimes and I like being alone.
Great... I just put myself in a box with a bunch of other people seem like loners.
I like people and do enjoy interacting with them, just not in certain situations. Also, interacting with people doesn't make me feel tired all the time, and in certain situations it gives me energy.
So where does that put me? Well, I found the answer.
I'm an ambivert.
I'm right in the middle of the introvert/extrovert chart. And it turns out most people are.
Sometimes I feel like being more introverted, so I will be. Sometimes I feel more extroverted, so I will be.
Walking around NCYC was fascinating. If I was a true introvert it would have been draining. It was exciting for me to have strange people come up to me and start talking. Yet at the end of the day, sitting on my bed in the hotel room watching SportsCenter was a great and welcome relief from the busy day.

So I can't claim to be an introvert youth minister anymore. I'm normal, just a little shy sometimes. And honestly, when I was in the stadium with 23,000 other people, one of my reoccurring thoughts was how awesome it would be up on that stage talking to all the youth in the building.

I'm an ambivert and I also want to be a keynote speaker at the next NCYC.

Peace all

NCYC 2013 was Awesome!

Describing what is it like to participate in a mass with 23,000 people, over 200 priests and over a dozen bishops is difficult. This was my reality though on Saturday night at the closing mass for NCYC. It took 4 entrance songs for the entire procession to make it in. The entire mass took roughly 2 hours, but it seemed to fly by.
The word "awesome" is the only word that comes to mind to describe the event. It was the largest group I have ever worshiped with, and might ever be.
The one sight that will stick with me happened as the many priests left during the closing song. I noticed at least one taking video on his smart phone and others giving random "high-fives". But, catching sight out of the corner of my eye of a priest running along the front of a section of youth with his hands outstretched, alb flowing behind him slapping hands with the youth was just cool. The joy of the youth being present there, for the priests, I'm sure was uplifting and some just couldn't contain it.
There are too many wonderful things to list or even to remember over this last week.
It was awesome and my prayer is that this event, in its entirety, was life changing for many, if not most, who attended.

Peace all, as I recover from an awesome week.

NCYC Here We Come!

Last I heard, my diocese is sending the largest group to this years National Catholic Youth Conference from west of the Mississippi River. That is pretty awesome.
I've got two young gentleman and myself going from our parish. I am exited and feel very blessed to finally go to an event of this magnitude. There will be upwards of 20,000 youth and adult leaders packed into Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, and all of them there celebrating our Catholic faith.

I've been praying for safe travel and a willingness from all who are attending to open their hearts to God, new friends and wonderful experiences.
Please keep all of those attending in your prayers this week.

Peace all!

Single But Not All On My Own

This gentleman has some great points and some great reminders for myself, especially since I'm single...

Peace all

Oh People...

People cause me great amounts of anxiety. After a week that contained a very uncomfortable situation, how could I help but reflect on the fact that life would much less stressful if I didn't have to worry about other people!
We had a work meeting about benefits. As a 26 year old, single male, this was not a huge deal for me, but it was mandatory.  After the meeting, which we had to leave early, I lightheartedly starting talking about what we learned. My co-worker who I road with went off! It was not crazy or anything but I didn't know what to say. The 30 minute drive back to work was one of the most uncomfortable half hours of my life.
Then, when I decide to just let things be, the next morning she apologizes, and I again don't know what to say. To top it off, she starts tearing up, yet manages to hold it in, but I could see the waterworks building.
I love people. As a good Catholic gentleman I have to. Becoming a mountain man and living off the grid away from all human contact is not an option. Spreading the Gospel is what I'm supposed to do... and animals on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere do not need to hear about Jesus.
Still, being my own boss and only being responsible only for me sounds very alluring. What a career like that looks like for me I have no idea.
Here's to uncomfortable moments!

Peace all

No More "Mr. Nice Guy"

I don't even know if people consider me a nice guy. Maybe I'm just a guy to most people. Nonetheless, after some inspirational reading this morning (check it out here), I've come to understand I don't need to be a nice guy. Actually, I don't want to be a nice guy at all.
I want to be a good guy.
This shouldn't be a revelation to me, but understandings this simple are usually a long time coming for me, for a lot of different reasons.
I've been the nice guy, always seeking the approval of others, or at least doing whatever I could to not upset people. I do care way to much about what people think of me, even when I am always telling myself I don't.
I like to think I'm not afraid of anything, but being the nice guy is the one of the most fearful ways to live. Living life being afraid of upsetting people has kept me from a great deal of life experiences. The fear of being wrong may be the greatest fear I have lived with... almost on a constant basis. My life is structured around doing things that will limit me being wrong in any decision I make. Maybe this is normal, but it's a crappy way to live.
I need to be a good guy and live a life that reflects that. In that respect, I have the greatest "good guy" ever to look up to... Jesus Christ.

Jesus wasn't a nice guy, he was a good guy, the best guy ever in all actuality.  He wasn't afraid of upsetting people, but he didn't go around calling people out. He loved with his whole heart and knew it was his goal to lead people closer to his Father.
Jesus had inner strength, even more then any man today can imagine. He had courage to always follow his Father's will. Jesus had more character in his little finger then I have in my whole person. He knew who he was and did not need the approval of anyone. He was the greatest leader of all time and never claimed to be anything he wasn't; no one has ever been more authentic. The endurance of Jesus is not even comprehensible for us humans. He was in the beginning and will be even past the end. He has been and always will be... he never stops... that is endurance.
So I need to be all of those also, in whatever way I can be. Living in fear needs to go out the window. Making mistakes shouldn't scare me. I've made plenty up to this point in my life and I'm still doing just fine. I don't have any enemies... none that I know of anyway... but maybe I need some.
I still don't know what God is calling me to in my life, but I'm sure being a good guy and not a nice guy will help in whatever God has in store for my life.
Here's to being a good guy. Watch out world, no more Mr. Nice Guy for me!

Peace all

St. Joseph, My Prayer Companion

I've never really had a Saint that I would pray to on a regular basis. A lot of people have their favorite Saints; those that they look up to and ask for their intersession. At the interview for the position of Youth Minister that I currently hold, they asked me who my favorite Saint was.  In an honest answer, I told them I did not really have one.  Teaching and assigning Saint reports for the last three years I learned a lot about the Saints, but none ever jumped out at me.
Most recently I have been, half-heatedly and very intermittently, praying for a Saint that I could have as, well, a prayer partner I guess.  A Saint to look up to, a Saint to call my friend and guide. As God tends to do, I believe I have found my friend and prayer companion.
St. Joseph, the most chase spouse of the Virgin Mary, Mother of God.
At the parish I am now at, we pray the Litany of St. Joseph every Wednesday.  I believe it was this weekly prayer that really got me seriously thinking about St. Joseph. Then, with this feeling of connection to St. Joseph on my heart, my father and I took a long road trip to Oregon to see family.  I found a Church to attend Sunday Liturgy and as my father and I sat in the Church it dawned on me that we were at St. Joseph Church. That kinda sealed it for me.
I have found prayers to St. Joseph and I do find a certain comfort in those prayers.
My concern, though I shouldn't have any concerns if I truly trust in God, is that St. Joseph is probably one of the loftiest Saints I could look to.  He trusted in God immensely.  Taking his pregnant bride without hesitation after his message in a dream from an Angel of the Lord. Even before that he is described as a just or righteous man who was going to spare Mary the cruel death of stoning, as would have been the custom of the time. He raised Jesus Christ, assuming the role of his earthly father.  Think of what he might have taught Jesus! And we can only assume that as a faithful father and husband, he died in the arms of Mary and Jesus, as I hope to do as well.

St. Joseph, pray for me and may Jesus live in my heart forever.

Peace all

Wally-World... Oh How I Dislike You

Well, I had to go to Wal-Mart today.  I generally do not like going there at all, and only will if it is the last place available. Grabbing the bare essentials I headed to the checkout line. Of course there were lines long at all the checkouts... all I could do was find a line and patiently wait.  The checker was talking about how her day wasn't going great as I unloaded my stuff. Leaving a large item in the cart we both went through the regular processes. Walking through the parking lot I suddenly realized that the checker never scanned my large item I left in the cart.  Being already out the door, I unfortunately went through the dance back and forth in my head.

It would have been easy to just keep going. Having almost talked myself into it my thoughts went to the checker who was not having the best day. Not knowing if the item could be traced back to her or not, I had to go back. It was a chance I could not take. My dislike for Wal-Mart aside, I could not do that to another human being.
I'm saddened and disappointed that I had to talk myself into doing the right thing. It's a fact though, and something I must face.  I have a lot of work to do but I know the Lord is answering my prayer to be able to love as He loves.
A hallow victory, but one I will learn from and thank God that I did the right thing in the end.
Here's to the day when my virtue is strong enough flick the devil off my shoulder or, even better, never give the devil a chance to whisper in my ear at all.

Peace all

Do I Annoy God?

On a long road trip with my father it should be no surprise that I started to remember things that he does that annoy me. It was something as simple as the way he ate an apple. Silly, I know, but it bugged me.
That got me thinking. I love my father very much but still things he does annoy me. So I wondered, do things I do annoy God?
Does God ever face palm when I do something stupid or annoying?
I don't think God does. God loves me so much that there is nothing I could do to cause Him to love me any less. My mind doesn't understand that because I can't love like that. People annoy me and do things that piss me off.  I love them as best I can, but I can't love them as perfectly as God love them or myself.
It was a humbling moment and a moment of grasping at God's love, a love that cannot be ever fully grasped.
I know God probably laughs at me all the time. Bringing God joy is something I need to be better at. If I make God more happy I will make others happy.

Peace all

Christ's Love

After a rough week it nice to get away and be a part of a retreat where I was not responsible for anything. Three hours total of driving was worth it for the day I had.  Nothing truly mind blowing or earth shattering happened at the retreat. I did open up a bit and did actually talk to people including youth, and it was great. I also finally talked to a young lady who was helping with the retreat along her other team members who I've wanted to talk to. She gave a talk that focused on Christ and how important it is to see Him and focus on our relationship with him.  Another topic was how shy and quiet of a person she is and how she has learned to accept that about herself. Of course I was like "I know what you mean!", in my head of course.  Afterwards, and I don't really know how it happened, but I ended up talking to her.  I shared how I know what  its like to be shy and quiet.  She mentioned how it seems now that I'm not the only introvert youth minister in the diocese anymore.
I have to admit that since I have seen this young lady I have been attracted to her.  I was thinking about that on my long drive home as one would figure it brought me a great deal of joy to think about how I had actually talked to her and we made a little connection. Not trying to get my hopes up at all I tried to turn my thoughts to Christ and His love for me. This overwhelming feeling came over me as I thought about how my feelings of joy were just like the joy the Christ feels when I am active in my relationship with Him. My joy cannot compare at all to His, but just thinking how they are similar and how mine bit of joy made me feel just overwhelmed me for a moment.
Christ Jesus loves me more than I can image and I was blessed to get a taste of that joy today which was the icing on the cake of great day.

Bring Christ Jesus some joy today... all you have to do is talk to Him.

Peace all

I Can't Be Like Them

Having three different responses to my self pitying rant this morning I have felt compelled to think and pray about my current issues and thus, write some things out.

I have a lot to learn about being a good youth minister; no hiding that fact. I also need to more fully understand who I am. That is something I've been working on and feel like I am starting to grasp the person I am. Self discovery has been a lifelong challenge for me and finally grasping the concept has lifted a lot off my chest. Understanding the way I am helps me to just be me and not apologize for it.  There is always room for improvement and more understanding.

How do I become a better youth minister though? Watching and learning from my fellow youth ministers is a must, but at the end of the day, we are all very different people.  They kind of have their own "clique", for lack of better term, and I don't fit in it.  Not being an extrovert or having any special "youth minister" skills like playing an instrument or coming up with an awesome game right off the top of my head means I'm going to have to figure out new ways. Spending the last three years learning how to be a teacher was a lot of work. Now the task in front of me is learning how to be a youth minister.  Although they are similar, they are very different in a lot of ways. 

The biggest struggle I see is staying true to who I am and what my skills are.  Taking who I am and being the best youth minister I can be is a daunting task.  I can't be like my fellow youth ministers, I have to be me and all that God has made me to be.  My fear is that I'm not up it, or worse, that deep down inside I really don't want to do it.  Maybe I just want to float through this year and then be done and go on and do something else with my life.

Laziness and pride are my enemies when it comes to this year.  I have the ability to float on the little bit I know and make things work.  That would be the lazy and the prideful way.

I pray for humility and for the Holy Spirit to kick my butt into action.  

It's going to be a lot of work, but I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me, each and every day.

Thanks for the encouraging words,

Peace all

Not A Good Night

Any teacher knows that preparation is key to whatever you are trying to do with your students. I've always known this and done a fairly good job being prepared. I'm not perfect, and honestly, I don't think I've ever been a good teacher and I don't think I'm a very good youth minister.
Tonight I didn't know what kind of numbers I was going to have.  The students have the rest of the week off from school so I wasn't planning on having many show up.
I had 18 high school kids show up... I was not prepared for that.
This turned out to be one of those nights where nothing went well after opening prayer. I didn't know what game to play, tried a few things and none worked well. I went over the gospel reading for this Sunday, and that didn't go well. Closing prayer came along, and the words didn't as the youth were growing restless and laughed or complained of hand sweat.
And I really don't take it personal, but I had one of the youth, while talking about a nearby parish that just a new youth minister tell me that he had wanted the youth minister they just hired to get the job I got here. Again, not taking it personal, but it wasn't the best night for me to hear that.
Pretty sure I'm on the downward slope after the initial high of the new job.
I don't know why I got this job.  There are way better youth ministers out there.  I don't have the passion or the ability as others do... yet here I am.
I've heard over and over again how the Holy Spirit led the community here to pick me for the job.
I'm here for a reason.  I need to do a better job and be more prepared.
Holy Spirit, please help me through this year.

Peace all

Deep Voices and Compassion

If you've never been to a mass where the number of priests outnumbers that of lay people, I highly recommend it.
My diocese is having their priest retreat week and my parish happens to be the closest to the retreat sight. So I was blessed to be at mass last night which was celebrated by our bishop, a visiting bishop and four diocesan priests who are celebrating jubilee years.  It was pretty awesome to say the least.
After mass I turned to my friend and mentioned how wonderful it was to hear the room fill up with all the deep voices throughout the mass; she couldn't agree more.
The readings for the mass were Elijah raising the boy from the dead and Jesus raising the boy from the dead. One of the easiest set of readings to see how they relate.  In Father's homily, what struck me was his mention of compassion. Before Jesus could tell the widower to stop crying, he needed to feel compassion for her, and he did.  That is something we all need, especially in whatever ministry we have and honestly whenever we interact with people. Compassion for others is the first step to helping them, in whatever way we can.  We're not going to be raising people from the dead, but remembering to be compassionate to all that we meet is vitally important in living a Christ centered life.

For a little treat, here are some amazing singing priests...

Peace all

I'm Not An Anomaly

Well, I just read this article,
http://wordonfire.org/WoF-Blog/WoF-Blog/October-2013/Culture-The-Anomaly-of-Being-an-Anti-Drifter.aspx
it's about a young man, only a year older than me, who is a happily married father of 4 children. Turns out, his life is the anomaly and mine fits right in with the rest of society and guys my age.  I'm a drifter...
So I guess the only thing that makes me different is that as a 20 something year old bachelor I go to mass almost every day, and I'm not a seminarian.
I don't want to be a drifter. Giving my life to someone else completely would be amazing and a wonderful gift from God.
Reading that article is not helping with my trying to be patient.

Peace all

Introvert Youth Minister!

I hope I'm the only one, but chances are I am not the only introvert youth minister out there. I've always had the introvert personality.  Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I get nervous.  With a few people, I'm okay. It's not that I'm that shy.  Trying to spark a conversation with someone, especially with just small talk, is almost painful to me. But put me in charge of that room, up in front talking to all of them and I'm great. I find it a strange reality, but its the reality that I live in.
My concern is can I be an effective youth minister while admitting that I am an introvert?
At a gathering this weekend of youth leaders from around my diocese I didn't say much or really meet many of the youth. There was also a team of college age young adults who will be ministering in the diocese, and again, I talked to very few of them.
With my own youth at my parish, I'm alright.  When I'm up in front of all of them I'm comfortable. Still, before of after when it's small talk time... well, that isn't when I shine.
I don't know what it will take to break me out of my shell or if I even can be more extroverted.
I am not as confident of a young man as I should be, for lots of different reasons, which is a problem I have had since I was kid.
Just another one of my struggles that I will pray for guidance about.

And for those of you out there wondering about introverts, where is a pretty good diorama about how to care for them.

Here also is a nice Top Ten list about introvert misconceptions.

Peace all

The Pope Said What?

It kinda ticks me off when I read other Catholic blogs that recently have been bashing the Pope.  I mean, come on, the media and the rest of the world do enough of that.  And then Catholics do exactly what we get mad at the media for doing; taking the Popes words out of context.
Ya, he makes off the cuff remarks... earth to Catholics that like the bash the Pope... he's human!
And when Catholics attack the Pope, are they really being helpful in bringing the world to Christ? No, they are being selfish, it's that simple.  So go ahead, pick apart the Popes words looking for something to piss you off. He's inviting all people to the banquet while you are scaring them off.
End of my rant.
Peace all

Pissed On But Not Pissed Off

I've been peed on a few times in my life.  A sleep walking roommate, another incident I tried to forget about but just popped into my head, and countless animals have peed on me I'm sure.
Today I was peed on... well, sprinkled would be a better word.  Guys are the only ones that have the problem of having to pee standing next to another guy.  Today, well, that didn't work out too well for me.
That led me to thinking about when I had been peed on in the past, as you can tell.  It also led to me thinking about the future.  Will I get to experience the classic getting peed on by the baby?  Not sure why my thoughts went there.

And ya, I'm not pissed about being peed on.  It happens you know... can't let it rain on your parade (pun intended)

Peace all

I'm Almost Mainstream!

Well, not really, but last week and the week before my blog was blowing up with viewers... I mean like 20-30 a day for a little bit.  I know, very shocking to say the least.
My post about Purgatory and the Dentists Office got a lot of views, so many so that I actually had a couple advertisements for dentist offices posted in the comments box.  I deleted them but I should have just kept them for the laugh factor... oh well.
So ya, I'm not main stream, no where near it really and I'm okay with that.  Using my blog comment box as an advertising tool did make me feel a little special.  No fear though, views have dropped significantly... thank you God for uplifting, and humbling, moments.

Peace all

I Don't Know How To Be A Good Friend

I call myself a good listener because I am.  If I am needed just as a person to talk to; no problem, I can do that.  There is more to being a friend than just listening and I'm not very good at those other things.
My best friend, from way back in the 1st grade knows me better than anyone.  He's one of those guys that makes you feel like he's your best friend after knowing him for 5 minutes.  How he has put up with me this long I don't know.  Maybe because we have been through so much together.  Other than him, I don't really have other friends that I talk to regularly.  All of my other friends I assume kinda know that I'm always there for them, but I'm not going to reach out to them.  I've never really been that way. My whole life I've been more of a loner if anything.  Hell, I write more in this blog than I actually ever tell people in person.

I don't think this is right and this isn't working ... I need to change.

But what do I do?  Do I start talking with as many friends as possible at least once a week?  Do I send out little text messages asking "hey, how you doing?" whenever I get free time?  Do I go through all my Facebook friends and write on there walls telling them I'm still alive and thinking about them every once and while.  Do I have a send a card for every friend on their birthday and send out a Christmas letter every winter?

I think all my friends are so used to not talking to me they might think something was wrong if I all of a sudden started communicating more.

I know that at the end of the day I have to start giving more of myself to my friends.  That is the key, I just don't know how to do that.

Peace all

Pay Attention People

It took me a long time to love the celebration of the Eucharist, the mass.  I have understood it as one of my main objectives as a youth minister to get the youth to go to mass.  It's not easy and it is going to take time.  I know Christ will meet each youth when it is their time and I can't change that.  All I can do it encourage.

That being said, it is also a huge responsibility on the people who go to mass regularly to also encourage others to go to mass.  And when those people who are at mass daily are present they need to remember to NOT BE ROBOTS!!!

How many people after going to daily mass for however many years just make it routine?  I would argue too many.  I can see how easy it would be though.  The mass doesn't change much. When we go to mass we pretty much know what it going to happen. That is no excuse not to pay attention though and hear those beautiful words as if they are new to our ears each and every day.

I'm not saying I do this perfectly by any means.  I drift off and think of lots of others things at mass way too often. Still, I listen and at certain points in the mass I make sure I am listening. It frustrates me when others aren't.

This happened Friday morning. I was home for my parents birthdays and got up for daily mass with my father.  The priest must have been reading a different Eucharistic prayer because it didn't sound exactly the same as it usually is. This didn't bother me at all because I was listening.  He got a part where it sounded like there should have been a response.  I did not respond because I had been listening and understood the response was not coming yet.  Did everyone else present catch onto that? Nope, and half the congregation half responded after they realized that Father was still talking.  This frustrated me and still frustrates me.

The mass is always beautiful.  I've been taking it for granted and I think too many others do as well.  Lots of people don't get a chance to go to daily mass.  Those of us that get to, pay attention, that's all I ask.

Peace all

This is Awesome

Had to share this... for all teachers and students

"This Time"

Had to share this...

Former "Kansas" lead singer and producer John Elefante is using his newest single "This Time," to share the story of his adopted daughter's birth, and in the process, bring some attention to Online for Life (OFL), an educational non-profit working to rescue babies from abortion so they can live to make their mark on the world.

"I can't imagine life without my daughter, Sami, and it just breaks my heart that pregnant young women much like her birth mother, instead of choosing life for their babies, are denying them the chance to be born," Elefante said. "If our song can in any way bring attention to this issue and encourage those who are considering abortion to choose life through options such as adoption, then we couldn't be happier."

Nice Slap in the Face

This was kind of a nice slap in the face.  And it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through these struggles.

I'm Not Running for the Doorway

I need to invest more in my love for God and others... because it ain't love if it can't break your heart

Not Yet Broken

I read a post by Steve Gershom where he talks about wanting to be on Jesus' shoulders.  His thoughts follow along similar thoughts that I have been having recently.  Like Steve, being a Christian my whole life, I still feel like I have not yet met Jesus.  I've never had that "come to Jesus" or life changing moment.  Doing my thing my whole life and kinda just believing because it makes sense has pretty much been it.
I wonder if I am also still trapped in the dungeon of myself, like Steve also ponders.
For me, it comes down to love.  God has blessed me with the realization that my whole life I have been seeking love when I should have been giving love.  I'm still doing that to this day.  I seek the love of others, I want to be loved, who doesn't?  But where I fall is in the giving of my own love.  I'm a "nice guy", but I wouldn't call myself a loving guy, as hard as that is to admit.  I am still very selfish and proud when it comes to the majority of the aspects of my life. I have used listening as my main way to show my love.  Openly I will admit I am a great listener, but there are more ways to love than just listening to someone talk.
I desire to love as Christ loves.  I just honestly do not know how to do that right now.
Maybe, like Steve, God is still preparing me and I might not be ready for another 4 years (30 years old... can't imagine it right now).
Until then, what do I do?  I guess I do the best I can and keep trying to grow closer to God and love all those that God has blessed my life with as best I can.
Still, is it weird that I long to be broken?  I remember reading a blog about the lost sheep and why we always see a picture of Jesus carrying the lamb back to the flock.  Jesus carries the lamb because the lamb is broken and can't walk.  Like Steve, I want to be on Jesus' shoulders.

Am I on the fringe of the flock waiting for a cliff to jump off of so I can be broken and Jesus can bring me back?  Is that what it takes?  Do I have to be broken or experience a figurative "desert" to wonder through before I can love as Christ loves?
Where is my desert?  Where is my jump off point?

Tears...

I have to write this quick and I am writing it for no one other than myself so I don't forget it.
I went to reconciliation and confessed my sins.  My biggest one being pride, and also in my heart knowing how I have many times failed to trust in God because of my pride.  I don't know why it is so hard for me, but it is.  Pride allows me to think that I know what's best... but God help me I know that I don't, but I still struggle.
Four "Our Fathers", a rush of emotions later and for the first time I cried after reconciliation.  I prayed, as tears rolled down my face for God to remove any thoughts that do not line up with His plans for me, one in particular.
God has blessed me with so much, why do I keep desiring more when He is all I need?

Conditional Love

I was blessed to go to all three masses this weekend. It was great meeting and talking with lots of people and it was also wonderful hearing Father's homily THREE TIMES...
Anyways... it was good to hear it because it did get me thinking.
One of Father's main points was on conditional love.  True love has no conditions, it is unconditional.  If we start putting conditions on our love then that isn't true love.  God loves us unconditionally but so often we put conditions on our love for God. I have been guilty of this so many times.
Where I struggle is how my own desires come into this.  I have desires for my future, but is that the same as putting conditions on my love for God? I am supposed to just trust God and have faith that He has taken care of my future and if I just follow His plan for me I will be happy.  But how am I supposed to know His plan for me?  He hasn't really made things simple and clear.  So how do my desires play into all this?  I would love to live on my grandparents farm after they have gone, but recently I have felt that that is a desire I need to let go of.  What about my other desires though? To have a family, to live relatively close to my own family... do I have to let go of those to?  Are those conditions I am putting on God?
I so honestly want to do His will for my life but what desires (conditions?) do I need to keep going after and which ones do I need to let go of?

And I know the answer... prayer and trust/faith... yet, my mind still struggles.

Peace all

Searching for Signs

When I think I have the correct desire in my heart I try to be more aware of signs that I actually am.  Everything becomes a possible hint from God that "yes, I'm on the right path here".  And that is just it, in my silly little head I can turn anything into "hey, that has a to a sign right there!"  This happens to me to the most when I listen to music.  I have my favorite songs playlist, set on shuffle.  If the right song comes on, boom, my thoughts go right to "this is a sign!"
This has to be one of the most frustrating aspects of trying to understand if I'm on the right track or not. I want nothing else to follow God's plan for me, yet, I still have my own wants and desires.  I pray they line up with God's but it literally scares me sometimes when I think that they don't.  I try to use these little signs to reassure myself that I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing.
But what if I'm completely following my own desires? What if I'm way off track and those were just the songs that came up, no sign, only a coincidence?
I keep thinking about things and telling myself not to.  Am I going to be doing this for the rest of my life or at some point am I going to be in love with God enough to not worry?
I have to remind myself to keep racing toward God.  If I know I'm doing that I have nothing to worry about.

-side note-- I need to get back to exercising... running toward God might be easier if there was less of me running

When I Think I Know

Isn't it funny how sometimes we think we know what will make us happy and bring us fulfillment?
This has been and will continue to be one the hardest lessons I have to learn.
It's so easy to fall into this trap though.  "I know what makes me happy and that is what I want"... yep, thoughts I have had before and will continue to have unfortunately.  It is because of thoughts like this that I have made some bad decisions in my life.
"I don't want that so I'm not going to do that" or "I think I really want this and it will make me happy so I'm going to pursue this".  Both thoughts have brought myself and others misery.
So what can I do?
Do I look back on those times when these thoughts and subsequent actions happened and try to fix them or do I just move on?
By trying to undo what I have done in the past am I just repeating a cycle of myself thinking I know what's best for me now?

I guess I just need to trust in God and hope I am doing what He needs me to be doing, whether I like it or not.
I'm getting to the point where I can let go of dreams of things and places, but letting go of people, people that I love is much harder.

Peace all

Humility

Well, I'm moved to my new town.  Don't have my own place yet, but hopefully I can find a place this week. Living with a priest for a few days should be interesting.
God likes to give me little hints every once and a while and by His grace sometimes I get them or notice them.
For my last mass at home Father's homily was on humility.  Right away, I knew this was good for me and a little sign from God.  I have realized, or at least come to admit that I have a pride problem and humility is something I need to work at constantly.  Along with doing little humble things throughout the day I have also been praying the Litany of Humility every morning after doing morning prayer.  Also, Matt Maher has a song called "Every Little Prison" that is based off of the Litany of Humility, and guess what song I have been waking up to every morning for the last week as my alarm song.
Father made a good point in his homily and that was as soon as you think you are humble you have lost it.  Humility can't be measured and you can't win at being more humble then the next guy, it just doesn't work that way.  I've had the wrong mindset in a lot of different instances in my life, and as I have said before, I have not be consistent with many things.
I'm beginning to realize that the dreams I have had these last few years may not be what God has in store for me, but as I grow closer to God the more I tend to be okay with that.  I truly want to be humble and be where and do what He needs me to do.
So, I'm trying to be humble and put my dreams aside so I can fully be open to God's plans for me, whatever they might be.
And, oh ya, I have to start being a full time Youth Minister tomorrow, so this should be fun.

Peace all

Neither Virtuous or Consistent

That's what I am, neither virtuous or consistent.
When teaching about virtue I always used the same story of two guys that walk by a $20 bill on a desk.  The first guys sees it, thinks about taking it even though he knows it isn't his, but decides not to.  The second guys sees it and keeps on walking.  Which guy has true virtue? The second guy!  Taking the money that was not his did not even cross his mind. Even though the first guy did nothing wrong, the thought of taking the money crossed his mind and he had to talk himself out of it.
Well, my dad found a nice phone today. Knowing nothing about electronics he gave it to me.  My first thought was "sweet! I could maybe use this".  Thinking of the owner who might want their phone back didn't cross my mind for a while.  It was only until I searched online what I could do with it that I decided I should look for it's owner first before I claimed it as my own.  I charged it, turned it on and emailed the owner.  I'm the first guy...so, I need to work on being virtuous.
Along with this, I'm not very consistent in my actions and thoughts when it comes to a lot of things. When it comes to some things, I am very selfless and tend to always think of others first.  In other situations I am not... I put myself right at the forefront and can be very selfish.
I know there is no quick fix for my selfishness and lack of virtue.  I pray I can me more aware of it and start working on it more and more, with God's help of course.

I Can't Do It Alone

These last few weeks have been crazy for me.  My lazy summer quickly came to an end with friends visiting and a drive to Duluth and back for a wedding.  Then to top it all off, I got a job, which will now require me to move.
I've never claimed to do everything right, and these last few weeks I have managed to screw up in a few ways.  The one big thing that causes me to screw things up is my lack of communication and closeness to God.  Why I haven't figured this out before I don't know, but I have no doubt that the moments I am closer to God, I make better decisions. It's that simple.
I will take this knowledge into my new ministry as a Youth Minister for a Catholic community here in the MT.  As a teacher I was basically a youth minister whenever I wasn't grading papers, which I see as one of the biggest differences.
I know I will not be able to do this alone.  I need God with me and its my job to work harder at staying close to Him.
Prayers for my new ministry and my different view of the state I call home.

Peace all

Anxiety

As a kid I had problems with anxiety.  My worst moments were in the fifth grade.  I was so afraid to go into this teachers room because I hated to hear him yell at my fellow students, which he always seemed to do. The anxiety literally made me sick to the point where I went home a few times.
Over the years I have learned to control my anxiety and basically stop worrying about a lot of things that I used to.  I think the moment a person realizes they don't have a whole lot of control over things anyways, why worry about those things so much?  Those understandings have helped me a lot.
This past week was a rough week for me and for the first time in a long time I felt some anxiety.  This I take as good and bad.  My anxiety was over being able to go to confession.  I went so far as to check all the churches in town, then re-check, and then check again the church I was planning on going to.  So that's the good part I guess... confession/reconciliation is an amazing Sacrament that I have only in the past few years really begun to understand my true need for.
The bad is that I even needed to go to confession so desperately.  It frustrates me how easily I fall into temptation and how many times I don't think I fight against it as hard as I could or should.

At the end of the day though, and as the priest reminded me in the confessional, I am good.
God loves me more then I can imagine and if you haven't experienced the feeling of leaving the confessional and feeling the weight of your sins being lifted off of you, I highly recommend it.

Peace all

My New Hobby

I guess this is not my new hobby, it has been about a year since I bought my first mountain bike and it has been all up hill from there.
At this point I have two main bikes.
The first is an older Rocky Mountain full suspension free ride bike... RM6 to be exact.  I bought just the frame and then built it up from there to what it is now.

Its fun to ride and since it's already beat up a bit I don't worry about being tough on it.
The second bike I just finished.  Same deal as the first; I built it from the frame up.  I started with a Santa Cruz Chameleon frame and did something a little different with it.  The frame is designed to use 26" wheels, the standard mountain bike wheel size.  Well, my first bike, that I bought last summer and have been parting out for my other bikes has 29" wheels.  So, I took the front 29" fork and put it on the Chameleon to make what they wall a 69er... 29" wheel in the front with a 26" wheel in the back.
I call it the "Sexy Lizard"

The cool thing is that these bikes are never really complete.  Parts wear out, I feel like upgrading or changing the look... it never ends.
My only worry is that it distracts me from the important things, mainly God and what I need to be doing for him.
At this point, I think I am okay.  As I keep learning more and more about bikes I know I will be able to help other people with their bikes.

Peace all

It's About Christ Jesus!

I have stopped being surprised by excuses people come up with for anything.  I quit letting most of them frustrate me and honestly I laugh a little inside when I see the ridiculousness of most people.  What still gets me though is excuses people have when it comes to God and His Church.

When it comes to a persons faith, that faith should rely on God, in my opinion, and not on people.  When people make excuses like "I don't like that priest" or "I hate the politics of the Church" and all the other things that people come up with all I can do is a face-palm! 

It's not about individuals, it's about Christ and your relationship with him!  

If your faith is affected by other people to the extent that you use it as an excuse then you have a lot of strengthening of your faith to do.

I understand to a point.  I had a confession that was just frustrating.  The priest acted like he just wanted to be done and sped through everything.  At first I felt let down but as I though about it, I remembered that Christ was the most important one while I was in the confessional.  As lack luster as the priest was, at the end of it all, Christ was still there and He forgave me.

The Church is the bride of Christ.  The Church is not perfect and the people that make up the Church are far from perfect.  If people expect all the people that make up the Church to be perfect they are going to be constantly let down.  On the other hand, if people realize that the Church is not perfect but Christ continues to work through all members of the Church perfectly, then what is there to worry or make excuses about?

I am proud to be a part of the Church and I hope I can help people see its not about what makes us perfectly happy it's about our relationship with Christ.

Peace all

Purgatory and the Dentist's Office

Sitting in the lovely reclining chair in the dentists office is a wonderful place to think, if only to get your mind off of what is going on in your mouth at the same moment.
By the grace of God my thoughts centered on God, in a way.  The analogy that popped into my head seemed to fit and the more I thought about it and the more I experienced in the office the better it was.

Going to the dentist is like going to purgatory.
Nobody wants to go there, but it is inevitable... we have to eventually.  If we have been following the dentists guidelines, the visit is almost pain free and the joy of walking through those doors is just heavenly.
Unfortunately, most of us do not follow the guidelines and rules of the dentist.  So our visit is painful.  The scraping, poking and picking seems to last forever.  The high frequency water jet used to blast off the bad stuff hurts my ear drums more then my mouth.  I would take nails on a chalkboard over the scraping of metal on my teeth.  Then, after all that, the doctor comes in for one final look, only to tell me I get to come in again to fill some little holes in my teeth that unfortunately made it through the enamel.
I see purgatory as being something like that. We get our souls scraped of all the bad things we did, and it will not be painless. Once that is all done St. Michael comes in to check us over, and maybe we have a little bit more to do until we are ready for eternal glory.

Just a thought... I guess all I can do come Thursday morning is offer up the pain to God.

Peace all

Catching Up

It's been a crazy last few weeks to say the least, which is one of the big reasons why I have not written anything in a while.

I have called it quits teaching after 3 years.  I have moved back home, with no job, back into my old room.  Being 26 years old, this is not where I thought I would be... but I'm happy.  I will keep getting a paycheck up until August which I basically take as meaning I don't need a job until September... so I have a whole summer to look forward to.  

I'm not sitting on my laurels though.  I'm going to volunteer and try to make some connections and see what possibilities I have to look forward to.

Going back to school is an option... still, I would like to have to job so I can pay for the schooling.

At the end of the day though, I'm trying to trust in God. 

My most frequent prayer to God continues to be "Please Lord, help me to do what you need me to do, and give me the courage to do it"

Here's to the future!

Peace all

God's Love Shows Through the Pain

I was asked to do something today that was not a fun or happy experience.  A family I am very close to asked me if I would take their dog, who was is bad shape, to the humane society to end his pain.  It was not a request I had to think twice about, but it was not an experience I wish to go through on a regular basis.
After it was all done I reflected a bit on the affect pets have on us.  Losing a beloved pet is like losing a family member in many ways, I will admit that.  Still, in many ways it is not.  I fear many people equate losing a pet to losing a human being, which is not something that is all together healthy.
Don't get me wrong, the love and devotion our pets show to us are great gifts from God.  If there is one thing I have been learning about God over the past few years it is that God's love is reflected on us in so many ways and we tend to forget how God really is a part of that sometimes.  The love of a pet is just a sliver, or even just a speck of the love God has for us, yet that simple sliver or speck means so much and can have such a profound affect on people.
So when this kind of loss comes, it's not a time to mourn as if a human were lost.  It's a time to thank God for the love that he showed us through the wonderful and unforgettable companionship of one of his own creations.
I know it does not exactly ease the pain of the loss at all, but keeping God as the focus of all things is always the best thing to do.

I'm gonna miss you Duke... you were a great dog.

Peace all

Thank You Everyone

Just wanted to drop a quick note of thanks to everyone for your prayers for my sister and our family.
My sister is doing better, after a few scary moments filled with prayers and tears on my part and the part of many others.  She is still in the ICU, and will be for a while I believe, but she is slowly improving everyday.  Her old self she will never be, but change is inevitable and with total trust in God, change is always good in some way.
Thank you all again.

Peace all

Prayers Please...

For the few readers that I do have, I want to ask for your prayers.
My sister is in the hospital with heart failure.  I don't know how much longer she will last or if she can pull through or not.
I ask for prayers for her and for my family.

Thank you all.

Peace

Thoughts...

I've had a few thoughts I had in the past weeks that I have finally remembered to put down in writing.
One from a while back that sticks out to me still is a way of looking or thinking about Jesus.  I've never really felt like I have had that intimate of a relationship with Jesus.  That has been a struggle for me for my entire faith life.  I couldn't tell you what prompted it, but one day sitting at mass I thought of Jesus as a big brother.  I still remember the comfort I felt in thinking of Jesus in that way; as a guy who I could talk to about anything, someone I could always look up to and someone who would always look out for me.
Then just recently the understanding, or at least insight into the fact that God knows me intimately struck me. Maybe I had never thought about it or didn't think I was worthy or what, but to finally begin to grasp that God knows me... me... on a personal basis was wonderful.  Thinking of God as a someone who just sits up in heaven and looks down on all of us and hears our prayers has been my basic view since I can remember.  God, though, knows me, cares about me.  He is personally with me always.

The grace of understanding and insights... gotta love 'em.

Peace all

More Little Hints

I guess I can call them hints.  That seems the be the best way to describe the little moments when things connect and I have no doubt in my mind that God is working in my life.
This one was really little, but I still liked it.
This last Sunday, Divine Mercy Sunday, was the end of my week off.  I spent a lot of time with my family, which was wonderful.  Ahead of me though was a long drive.  Having prepared for the drive, I had a collection of Lighthouse Media CD's.  A couple were talks given by Father Barron, a couple by Matthew Kelly.  I selected one by Fr. Richter... I think that is how it's spelled.  A priest from the Diocese of Bismark his talk was on trusting in God.  Well, these CD's always (I think...) have a bonus track on them.  As the CD is being introduced, low and behold to my surprise, the bonus track was from a talk given on God's Divine Mercy!
Yep, I picked the one CD out of a dozen that happened to have a segment on Divine Mercy, on Divine Mercy Sunday.

Peace all!

Two Processions

At Palm Sunday mass today, Father said some wonderful things in his homily.
I have to admit that I was distracted at the beginning of the homily, with my own thoughts mostly.  When I starting truly paying attention towards the middle and end I did grasp what Father what trying to get across and I really liked it.
He spoke of the two processions that went on in Jerusalem during Jesus' last week before his passion and death.
On Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, the people celebrated Jesus and opened their arms to him.  They laid palm branched down and yelled "Hosanna!".
Then they turned.  The procession became an angry mob that shouted for Jesus to be crucified.
In a very similar manner people today do this all the time.
We receive Jesus joyfully and rejoice in our Lord and savior... until, as He did in Jerusalem, He shakes things up.
Jesus rocked Jerusalem and gave them a swift kick in the butt.  He does that to us all time, but most of the time we ignore it.  When we do feel it though we do what the people of Jerusalem did, we kick Him our of our lives.
It frustrates me that so many people, especially people who call themselves "Catholic" can openly speak out against teachings of the Church.  I see it as the same thing as well.  We love Jesus until who He needs us to be doesn't fit with how we want to be.  We love the Church and say we are a part of it until something truth that Church holds doesn't line up with some truth we think we know so we protest and rebel.
Jesus and His bride, the Church, know what is best for us yet we still nail them to the cross whenever we think we know best.

I pray during this Holy Week that more people can see the truth that both Jesus and his Church offer us.

Peace all

Excitement!

Excitement all around!
Habemus Papam Franciscum!  We have a Pope! Pope Francis I!

Ok, got that out of the way...

More excitement I guess... I only have one quarter left of school.  I say that sounding like a student when I am actually a teacher, but I say it nonetheless.
I know that I am moving home after I am done with this school year and that is exciting for me.  I feel blessed to have been where I am for the past 3 years, but I am ready to move on.  In a way I feel like I did when I finished college.  There was this overwhelming drive in me to just leave and get on with my life somewhere else.  I don't even remember looking back, I was just moving forward.
Times were tough though and I did miss what I left behind, and I know that will happen again, but right now I am again feeling the excitement building.  This time even more so because I know even less!  That might sound counter intuitive, but the less I know the more excited I feel.  After college I knew where I was going and what I was going to be doing and who I was going to be with.  None much of that now.  I know I am going home, but beyond that... nada.  People even ask me what I am going to do and when I tell them I am moving home and seeing what God wants me to do I have yet to receive a negative response.  Sure, people are sad to see me go, but you expect that.  
Right now I am excited... excited for the future and where God will lead me.  The realization that it is going to be very difficult is something I am not thinking about now.  I know there will be very difficult times so why worry about them now right!
Anyways...(that's how I spell it!) I am excited for the future!

Peace all!

Taste of Evil

I have a lot of dreams.  They are normal for me.  Most of the time though, I don't remember them.  The are after all just our mind refusing to take a break. Or as my new favorite Sci-Fi book puts it

Earthborn animals do this thing, inside their brains-- a sort of mad firing-off of synapses, controlled insanity. While they're asleep. The part of their brain that records sight or sound, it's firing off every hour or two while they sleep; even when all the sights and sounds are complete random nonsense, their brains just keep on trying to assemble it into something sensible. They try to make stories out of it.  It's complete random nonsense with no possible correlation to the real world, and yet they turn it into these crazy stories.  And then they forget them.  All that work, coming up with these stories, and when they wake up they forget almost all of them. But when they do remember, then they try to make stories about those crazy stories, trying to fit them into their real lives. -- Xenocide by Orson Scott Card

I think that sums up dreams fairly well.  Even so, I feel a need to relate my dream because it was an experience I have never felt before.
Of course I don't remember exactly what I dreamed, but I remember how the dream made me feel.  The dream was filled with evil.  Not in the sense that I saw evil or did evil, just that I felt evil around me and was anticipating to see evil.  For the first time since I was a kid, I guess you could say I had a bad dream because  it freaked me out.  I woke up, scared from all the evil I was feeling in my dream.  I looked at the clock and of course it was 3:03... freaked me out even more to tell you the truth.
Still, the first thing that came to my head was the Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me a sinner), so I furiously started saying it over and over in my head, trying to drive out the demon, the evil that seriously freaked me out.
Why that particular prayer, I have no idea. Why a prayer that focused on me and my sins when I was confronted with evil?
Anyway... God showered me with graces today and I am eternally thankful.

Peace all

Trying To Hold Fast

This has been my favorite song for a while.  I just liked the sound of it for the most part.
Until just recently did I look up the lyrics and actually read them.
I feel like I am in a canyon, searching for a way out.  I keep thinking, at the very least, that I have found someone to walk with me and Jesus.  All they seem to be doing is walking with us for a little while and then leaving.  Quite often I feel like I am just walking alone, even though I know I am not.
How many times to I have to get my hopes up, thinking maybe I have found a little bit of direction, only to hit a dead end?

Peace

God Does Respond

As the title would suggest, I am starting to see where God is answering me and leading me through different things.  No big questions answered yet, only small ones, but no less profound or awesome.  I firmly believe this is because I am trying to grow closer to Him and have been praying that I simply "do what He needs me to do".
Exhibit A- God had me step up.
Every last Friday of the month at our school all of the theology classes go to the school's chapel for Eucharistic Adoration.  One of the theology teachers, who also happens to be a deacon, uses the time not just for prayer but for instruction as well.  This frustrates me.
The problem is he puts the kids to sleep.  He means well and has good things to say; things that need to be said really.  But the way he talks just turns the students off, and really turns most adults off as well.
As I sat through his long speech, I prayer for humility because in my head I was thinking how I could be saying what he was trying to say so much better.  I knew I could reach the students and get them to understand what he was trying to say a lot more efficiently and clearly.  Feeling bad for thinking that, I prayed for humility and asked for God's forgiveness for not seeing the good work he was trying to do.
Well, as my class was leaving the chapel, I had a quick question for the deacon.  I asked and then as I turned to leave he asked me if I would talk to the next class about the things he had spoken about because he had to run an errand.
So, there you go.  I got my chance and actually the rest of the day I was the only one that talked because he asked me again if I would.
God gave me a chance to step up, I only pray that I said what He needed me to say in the way He needed me to say it.
Exhibit B- $20
My new hobby is mountain biking. Well, less biking and more fixing up bikes and making them look awesome and perform better.  This has become a slight obsession for me, so I have given up shopping for bike stuff for lent.  My student's have figured out my new hobby since I ride my bikes to school.  One student told me how he was looking for a bike and where he might be able to find one for cheap.  I told him where to look and said if he found one I would help him fix it up.
Well, since I have said I wont be buying any bike stuff, I have still been looking.  I found a guy selling some bikes on Facebook, with one that would be a nice bike when fixed up.  He wants (I say that because as of writing this, I have not seen the bikes, but will soon) $50 for the bikes.  I was going to go and just take out some cash to get the bikes, but I guess God had another plan.
After evening mass I swung by the grocery store to pick up some stuff.  I have a spot I usually park, but for some reason today I decided to pull into a different spot... don't really know why.  As I was pulling in, I noticed something on the ground in front of me in the parking spot.  With just a quick glance it looked like money.  Having been trained very well by my father on how to find money almost anywhere, I had a good feeling.
I pulled all the way into the spot, hopped out of my truck and walked around front.  I crouched down and yep, I was right, a $20 bill laying there just to the right of my passenger front tire.
Long story short, I had $32 in my wallet, so I don't have to pull out cash to purchase a bike I intend to give to a student, along with other bikes and pieces I intent to give to a local charity thrift store.
Haven't made the purchase yet, but I have a feeling things will work out well for everyone.

God is awesome and does show us the way... we just have to be looking in the right spot and be open to what He needs us to do.

Peace all