I wonder if I am also still trapped in the dungeon of myself, like Steve also ponders.
For me, it comes down to love. God has blessed me with the realization that my whole life I have been seeking love when I should have been giving love. I'm still doing that to this day. I seek the love of others, I want to be loved, who doesn't? But where I fall is in the giving of my own love. I'm a "nice guy", but I wouldn't call myself a loving guy, as hard as that is to admit. I am still very selfish and proud when it comes to the majority of the aspects of my life. I have used listening as my main way to show my love. Openly I will admit I am a great listener, but there are more ways to love than just listening to someone talk.
I desire to love as Christ loves. I just honestly do not know how to do that right now.
Maybe, like Steve, God is still preparing me and I might not be ready for another 4 years (30 years old... can't imagine it right now).
Until then, what do I do? I guess I do the best I can and keep trying to grow closer to God and love all those that God has blessed my life with as best I can.
Still, is it weird that I long to be broken? I remember reading a blog about the lost sheep and why we always see a picture of Jesus carrying the lamb back to the flock. Jesus carries the lamb because the lamb is broken and can't walk. Like Steve, I want to be on Jesus' shoulders.
Am I on the fringe of the flock waiting for a cliff to jump off of so I can be broken and Jesus can bring me back? Is that what it takes? Do I have to be broken or experience a figurative "desert" to wonder through before I can love as Christ loves?
Where is my desert? Where is my jump off point?
No comments:
Post a Comment