Thankful and Content

The events of the last week and a half have been tough. Of course, being on the other end now of these events I can look back and see how God drew me closer to Him, which is what I'm thankful for ultimately. The pain that I caused myself I very much deserved, but the pain I caused others I am very sorry for. God blessed me with conversations that I have never had with family members. To cry in front of those you love is never easy, but I'm glad it happened. I do feel closer to my parents and my grandmother after the conversations we had. Again, something I'm very thankful for. The pain I went through personally was all self inflicted, but it has made me stronger. Through all of this I do feel closer to God. I've tried, and continue to try, to surrender to His will for my life. Planning on things that are a long way off has not worked. I don't have a long term plan, and honestly I never really have. Yet what I've gone through recently has showed me that I need to start thinking about what kind of life I'm trying to prepare for. I know I can't sit back and just wait. Action needs to be taken. It's finding the balance of proper action and the full surrender to the will of God that is now the focus.
I'm not making any drastic changes. This time that I have at home with my family is a true blessing, so I'm going to do my best to not waste this time any more. Slowing down and being present where I am will be a good thing. There are big changes ahead for my family. Some will be good. Most will have elements of sadness and loss, all of which I'm trying to prepare for.
I'm content right now. Not knowing what the future holds for me is okay. Surrendering to God is a huge part of that and I know He will direct me. I still have thoughts of what I'd like my future to look like, but when those thoughts pop up in my mind I'm quickly reminded to say "Jesus, take care of it. Your will be done", and this focuses my mind back on the present and helps me to surrender.
The future is bright, and I'll get back to being my joyful, positive self. Like I've said before, it just takes time. I'm very blessed with good family and amazing friends, so there is absolutely nothing I can complain about.
Through all of this I've never lost hope, though I did come close. Thankfully God pulled me out of those moments quickly.
There are tough times ahead. I know God will always be with me, so I have nothing to fear.

Peace all