There is a longing we all have that cannot be fulfilled. Union with God is the only true source of joy, yet, the pull of worldly things persists. The struggle goes on, but God is with me all the way.
Here are my thoughts, findings and ramblings as I try to be my perfect self, for the glory of God.
This song popped up last as I was falling asleep. Having my ipod on random shuffle through all my music leads to some interesting combinations, but this song stands out on its own. I've actually heard Matt Maher perform it in concert, which was the first time I had heard it.
Anyway, as Matt put it, it's a love song. He wrote it thinking about his soon to be wife at the time. But as his understanding of the song grew, he began to see that this is a song that Jesus sings to all of us.
So one day I might sing this song to a beautiful woman, but until then and forever Jesus is singing this song to you and I.
There are no shortage of love songs out there. At different times in my life it's been hard to listen to any of them. Though at other times they were all I wanted to listen to.
As what happens many times when I'm inspired to write, a thought hit me today. A song that my college girlfriend introduced me to. She actually put it on a CD playlist for me, back when people did that did that sort of thing. The song seemed to fit us perfectly, until it didn't.
This song honestly does not fit any relationship. It shouldn't take us finding the perfect someone to know that God loves us. But of course it's a catchy song and a feel good song. I fell right into that. Thinking someone was so perfect for me that of course that means God loves. To think that knowing God loves for you is dependent on you finding your "soul mate" is laughable. I don't even know if I believe in soul mates, for that's been covered, a few years ago I think.
What I guess I'm getting at is the simple truth that God loves us. He loves each of us more than we can imagine and nothing we do will increase or decrease that love. The sad thing is so many people don't know this or have a hard time believing it.
Love songs are nice and all, but God's love can never be summed up in a song, and neither can a healthy human relationship for that matter.
I promise I don't look this depressed all the time. This is the first video I've done in a few years and the first one I've ever posted on my blog. Again, its a bit uncomfortable for me to video myself, especially while playing and singing, so don't judge too harshly. I'll hopefully post some better ones in the future.
Today is an important day, so I have some prayers.
I pray for all those who have had abortions, that God will bring them healing and mercy.
I pray for all those who have been aborted, their lives cut short, that they may be in the fullness of God's presence in heaven.
I pray for those who have forced mothers to have abortions, for whatever reasons, that they may seek mercy and forgiveness.
I pray for all those who have performed and assisted in abortions, and that continue to do so, that they may turn from their ways and understand the value that all life has, no matter what stage it is at.
I pray for those who have survived abortion attempts, that they can show mercy and speak out for the value of life.
Lastly, I pray for mothers who chose life, that God will provide for them in their struggles and reassure them that by choosing life they have greatly blessed our world.
My life has been touched by women on both sides of this struggle. I think it's important to remember though, especially for the pro-life movement, that support for life can't end after the child is born. There are homeless and needy children all over our country and our world. They continue to have dignity and need our support just as much as children still in the womb do.
Mary, please pray for all mothers, especially on this day, and pray for all of us who have the ability to support mothers and their children.
Finally, this is a song that's been going through my head a lot lately, and if you've been reading any of my posts of the last few weeks you'll know why.
My boat is rocking right now. Not imminent sinking or being caught in a hurricane kind of rocking, but it's rocking. I don't think it's a bad thing though. I'm being pushed to think and plan for my future instead just going with the flow. God gave me a brain to use it, and I've also been given the desire to have a family and give my life for others.
This song made me think of that. There is no easy way out of the storm, but with God leading me I'm not worried. I've been praying the Novena to the Surrender to the Will of God, which has helped a great deal in my being able to relax and trust in God. But I can't sit back and wait. I need to row the boat and let God steer.
There is a song I've listened to for few years. I'm not sure how I ended up with this song in my music list, but I am thankful that I have it. One of the most simple songs you could ever hear, but with maybe the most difficult lyrics to live out.
The song is called "Empty Me" by Jeremy Camp.
I know God works in all ways throughout my day and night. These last few days have been tough, but with my music on shuffle the other night, this song, along with a few others came on, right when I needed to hear them.
"Empty Me" has been a favorite, and one whose message, even more so now, I desire to live out. I have so badly this desire in my heart to give up everything and do something radical in the hopes of possibly being with two very special people. This plan that I have, to make this desire a possibility, is so far from what I wanted to do just a short while ago that I feel like it might actually be what God is calling me to.
At mass this morning I prayed for guidance and to only do God's will. At the end of mass was the first time I prayed for God to show me something else if this current plan is not His will. That really scared me. I so badly desire to do His will, but is this plan I have a part of God's plan for my life?
I'm praying for God to empty me of everything that is not of Him. I need more God, and less of myself. No matter what happens, God will not lead me astray. Following my own will I know will lead me off path. How do I know when God's will and my own desires are the same though?
When I think I have the correct desire in my heart I try to be more aware of signs that I actually am. Everything becomes a possible hint from God that "yes, I'm on the right path here". And that is just it, in my silly little head I can turn anything into "hey, that has a to a sign right there!" This happens to me to the most when I listen to music. I have my favorite songs playlist, set on shuffle. If the right song comes on, boom, my thoughts go right to "this is a sign!"
This has to be one of the most frustrating aspects of trying to understand if I'm on the right track or not. I want nothing else to follow God's plan for me, yet, I still have my own wants and desires. I pray they line up with God's but it literally scares me sometimes when I think that they don't. I try to use these little signs to reassure myself that I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing.
But what if I'm completely following my own desires? What if I'm way off track and those were just the songs that came up, no sign, only a coincidence?
I keep thinking about things and telling myself not to. Am I going to be doing this for the rest of my life or at some point am I going to be in love with God enough to not worry?
I have to remind myself to keep racing toward God. If I know I'm doing that I have nothing to worry about.
-side note-- I need to get back to exercising... running toward God might be easier if there was less of me running
This has been my favorite song for a while. I just liked the sound of it for the most part.
Until just recently did I look up the lyrics and actually read them.
I feel like I am in a canyon, searching for a way out. I keep thinking, at the very least, that I have found someone to walk with me and Jesus. All they seem to be doing is walking with us for a little while and then leaving. Quite often I feel like I am just walking alone, even though I know I am not.
How many times to I have to get my hopes up, thinking maybe I have found a little bit of direction, only to hit a dead end?
I am literally sick about thinking about the future. I get my hopes up, they get knocked back, I feel like crap, they rise again only to get knocked back... again.
Why does God put desires... good desires... into my heart if they might not be possible?
Day by day, that's what I need to do... quit looking ahead too far... quit getting my hopes up.
Hope in God, trust in God.
Until I can actually say I am doing that... this song basically sums up how I feel about one special person in my life.
