Who Am I?

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I'm just a guy trying to trust in God and be the best I can be for God and others, then myself.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

How Blessed Are We (Eulogy for My Sister)

How blessed are we… to have known Cara
For almost 34 years, this world was gifted with my big sister Cara. Many of us knew this day was coming. Prepare for as we could, no amount of preparation can ease the pain of losing her from this life. We almost lost her 6 years ago. She was in the ICU at St. Pats for a month and one night we got the call to come in because they didn’t think she was going to last much longer. Miraculously Cara survived. This last time in the hospital though, her strength finally gave out.
For those of you that didn’t know, Cara had a condition called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Basically that meant that her muscles were very weak, and as she got older they slowly got weaker and weaker. That is why she was in a wheelchair for most of her life. She didn’t have the physical strength of most people, but my big sister was the strongest person I’ve ever known.
When thinking about readings for this the reading for the Gospel that I thought would be perfect were the Beatitudes. Cara lived the Beatitudes. She was meek and humble of heart. She fought for righteousness and justice for all. She was clean of heart and a true peacemaker.
She was the ultimate Griz fan. Only missing one home game in the last decade. Grizzly stadium will be a little quieter this next season. A true Packer fan, or “cheese head” she rarely missed watching the Packers if they were on TV. She'd even go to different mass if the Packer game conflicted with her normal Sunday mass time. The only time I ever heard Cara say anything mean was when she was yelling at the referees for making a bad call… a bad call in her view anyways. Cara loved life. Going to concerts and movies, hitting the town with friends. She never let anything slow her down.
I’ve had a little slide show on my computer for many years of my big sister Cara. Every group of youth i worked with I made sure to share her story with. How she never gave up. How she refused to the listen to the “experts” that said she probably wouldn’t be able to handle the rigors of college. I would tell that how inspirational she was to me and how I hoped she might be a source of inspiration for them.
I have no doubt that Cara inspired many people. Every person she met became an instant friend. If you ever feel like you haven’t been loved, I can honestly and sincerely tell you that if you knew Cara, you were, and are loved. Cara lived a life of love. A life we should all try to emulate.
There is so much more I could say about my big sister Cara. How she loved her independence. How she loved working out at New Directions at the University, where I’m pretty sure she enjoyed flirting with the cute college guys more than anything. How she loved playing Yatzee with our grandmother and great aunts, and making her favorite 7 layer dip every 4th of July.
The most important thing I want everyone to remember about Cara is how she loved and how she saw the best in every person.
I remember driving with her one day, which I did many times. I don’t know how we started talking about heaven and purgatory, but I remember telling her that I was pretty sure that she would be going straight to heaven. If she ever sinned, it wasn’t much, so her time in Purgatory I figured would be short or none at all. What I remember the most though is after telling her this, we sat in silence for a while. I could see she was thinking. What she said kinda shocked me, but looking back on it now, it makes perfect sense. She said to me “well, I’m pretty sure you will go right to heaven too”. I can assure all of you I’m not, but Cara didn’t see my many faults or mistakes. She always saw the best in me and I guarantee she saw the best in all of you, her family and friends.
Lastly I want to share some things that I know Cara would want all of us to know.
To all of her many, many friends, thank you. Thank you for the joy and the laughter you shared with her.
To her extended family, thank you for all the good times around the table and all fun we had.
To her doctors and nurses, thank you for taking such good care of her of the years.
To Brian, thank you for being a great big brother and taking care Cara when she was little.
To Dad, thank you for providing for every need Cara ever had. You were her favorite chauffeur and companion at Griz games.
And finally to Mom. You were her best friend, her travel companion and best shopping buddy. Your selfless love is a lesson to all of us. It wasn’t always easy, but Cara loved you more than you can know. Thank you for taking such good care of her for her whole life.
Cara is gone from this world and it might be hard to believe, but she can love us more fully now than she ever could before. She can and will be truly present with each of us.

So it’s okay to mourn her loss and shed some tears. But know that Cara is will us, through the laughter and the tears. Her love, like God’s love will never fade.
I love you Sis.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Truth and Forgiveness in Politics

Following all the Kavanaugh stuff has been tough and honestly I haven't done a good job of it. It's all politics, which I find stupid and annoying these days.
Honestly, I have no doubt in my mind that he probably did what he is being accused of. I personally know what it is like to be a teenager and I've known lots of teenage guys. What he is accused of is terrible but unfortunately not all that uncommon, especially at high school and college parties.

I would have a lot more respect for the guy if he had just come out and said "yes, I probably did the things I'm being accused of, and I'm very sorry. I am not that young partier anymore though. Please forgive me of my past mistakes."
Admit the mistakes that have been made and work for change. He's not helping women by just flat out denying everything and all this is just splitting the huge divide in our country even wider.

Tell the truth, ask for forgiveness and work for change. Our country needs it.

Peace all

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Climbing the Mountain

On the Feast of the Assumption of Mary I heard an analogy for the faith life that I really liked. Father spoke of Mary as one who reached the pinnacle of the mountain of faith. Throughout her life she kept ascending, continually climbing higher and higher. At the end of her time on earth she had reached such heights that God assumed her up into heaven, body and soul. No other person has made it as far as Mary has, so God set her as the mark, the goal for the rest of us to shoot for but will never be able to reach.

In life there are many paths that people take.

  • Some barely leave the foothills of the mountain of faith because they have not been taught or shown the path they should take. 
  • Many wander around looking for another mountain to climb. They climb to the heights of this hill only to find that the satisfaction they hoped to find at the top is actually not there. 
  • Some climb a ways only to start going sideways, being content with where they are at in the climb.
  • I've known many who climbed at almost a sprint, only to get worn out, or possibly after having lost sight of the peak they were seeking, they stop the climb and even turn back.
And some, hopefully with myself included, climb as best they can. Each step might be tough but Jesus graces us with reminders of the goal of the climb. And thankfully, there at the top is Mary, who has already made the climb and is ever so eager to help us with the ascent.

Verso l'alto!

Peace all

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Into the Unknown...Again

I finished my year as a bandaid for a parish in my home town. It was a good experience that allowed me to learn a lot and make some new friends while spending more time with my family.
As of July 1st I have been officially unemployed. After the usual crazy week around the 4th I've been spending a lot of time at my grandmothers. She will be 90 years old this November and has been living alone for over a year since my grandfather passed away. Not a whole lot as been done as far as upkeep around her 75 acre little farm. I've been moving sprinkler pipes, mowing and cleaning the shop and barn, along with other things... and I've been enjoying it a lot. I'm glad I can be here for her now since I wasn't very present while she was taking care of my grandpa as he struggled with dementia.
All of that is in the past now. I have today and hopefully I'll be blessed with a tomorrow, and that's how I'm kinda living life right now.  In many ways I'm waiting for things to happen but I'm trying really hard to not let that distract me from what I have right now.
I'm still single, am totally fine with that and have no desire to become a priest (which I still get asked about all the time). Maybe there is someone out there for me. If there is I don't feel like I have a lot to offer, but we'll see what happens.
Into the unknown again.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

The Journey Continues

I've been home since June. All the family are happy to have me back. Dad probably the most since he has someone to talk to now.
Last year seems almost like a dream or an extended vacation that I'm finally recovering from.
For the next few months, until June at least, I'll be working as a Youth Minister and Campus Minister. "Middle school to Grad School" ministry as I like to say. There are plenty of challenges to keep me busy, challenges that I expected. But there are also challenges that I did not foresee which are making thinking about the future difficult.
Basically I am a Band-Aid for two different programs this parish is trying to figure out just what to do with. Very few youth are engaged and the numbers of engaged university students is not great either. The parish has an identity crisis as I see it. The church building itself was built in order to be a place to help foster ministry to the nearby university. It is in the middle of a neighborhood with only on-street parking. There is no parking lot whatsoever. Over the years though it has become a hodge-podge parish of families from all over the area to the point that it is the second biggest parish in town.
Basically I'm working for a parish that was never meant to be a parish but is trying desperately to continue to be a parish while sort of trying to stay true to its original purpose. And the kicker to all of this is there is another parish, one actually meant to be a parish with significantly better facilities, only 6 blocks away.
No one else seems to get the internal conflict that I feel in trying to do my job well. Focusing on the university might mean dropping youth programs while on the other hand focusing on youth programs and general parish life might be hurting the campus ministry program.
This issue is also a symptom of a larger problem here in my hometown of a very disconnected Catholic community. And since this is my hometown I feel somewhat obligated to try to help this community go in the right direction.

I'm here to stay, or at least I hope and believe I am. So I'll do what I think God is calling me to. Thankfully, after my experiences from my last year away from home, I'm not afraid any longer of upsetting people.

From one oven to an even hotter one...

Monday, May 29, 2017

Commencement Speech for 2017

Thank you for the privilege of being your graduation speaker. First of all, I’d like to say congratulations, you did it, you made it. All your work has paid off and now you sit here surrounded by your classmates for most likely the last time.

I’ve never given a graduation speech. What I know about these speeches is they are supposed to be filled with good advice and plenty of encouragement to you, the graduates. So that is what I intend to do. Give you the last bit of advice that I can and offer you some hard truths and joyful encouragement.

At the beginning of the year you might remember that I told all of you I was going to treat you like adults. I would not force you to listen or learn anything beyond what was expected of you because that is the way it will be for you after high school.  No one will hold your hand and guide you along the way once you leave this hill for the last time. As it turned out many of you were not ready for that.  For my part, I’d like to say that I am sorry. I’m sorry for not being a better teacher who truly challenged you day in and day out. I hoped that some of the freedoms I would allow might help you to flourish. Instead, I got subpar work and performance compared to what you were all capable of. You’ve been conditioned and allowed to put in the least amount of effort in order to get the passing grade or the much coveted “A” and that has been a disservice to all of you. When it came to written assignments, do you know how many times I was asked, “How much do I have to write” or “How long does this have to be?” Too many to count. Those questions had nothing to do with learning. They scream to the teacher “what is the least amount of effort I need to put into this to get a good grade?” I did try to break you out of this mindset by never giving anyone a perfect grade on any project. Many of you asked why points were taken away. My answer was always “no one is perfect” and today I add to that... “you could have done more”. Just doing the basics is not going to change the world. To approach excellence you must go above and beyond, and that is not easy.  If you think you’ll be able to wow professors or bosses in the future simply by doing the bare minimum you will be woefully disappointed. So I urge you, do more than you need to. Give all that you can to everything you do. Write more, because you want to prove and share your knowledge. Study harder because you want to deepen and solidify your understanding. In everything you do, put forth all the passion and enthusiasm that you can, because from now on, it’s all on you.

You’ve been told many times just how great of students you all are. Well, I’m not going to be telling you that tonight. Honestly, you’ve barely scratched the surface of what you are capable of.  Many of you have shared with me your dreams for the future. Those dreams are very much achievable but that path will not be easy.  And it certainly won’t be as easy as anything most of you have done in your educational career so far. So yes, be happy for graduating high school, but know full well that it is what you do from here on out that will determine whether your dreams are achievable.

When it comes to your future and your life ahead, there are a few things I hope you’ll remember.

The first is a tough lesson - have a healthy distrust for your emotions.
Today, society tells you that your emotions are so gosh darn important.  Society tells you that your feelings matter so much, that everyone else should care about them. Well guess what, that is ridiculous. Emotions can be good things, but when you start letting them run your life you will be in for a world of hurt. Making critical decisions while in a state of emotional upheaval is one of the worst things you can do, and I’m telling you that from experience. Logic and reason are some of your greatest tools and if you’re making a decision without them, only going by what you “feel,” you will likely regret your decision. You have a brain and a heart, use both of them.

My second piece of advice is simply this… be joyful. Smile more, laugh more and be kind to the people you meet and are surrounded by. From the very start of school to the very end, this class has been great at “throwing stones”. I encouraged you at senior retreat to be kinder to one another. Some of you tried, but old habits die hard as they say. Pointing out others faults and antagonizing someone to see what reaction you can get are not ways to make friends or keep them. Complain less, don’t be as critical and please just be kind. Do this and you will have joy in your life.

At this point some of you might be thinking: what kind of theology teacher is this guy? He has yet to mention anything about God. Well, I’m saving the best for last.

Many of you seemed almost traumatized from past experiences when I arrived here at Loyola. This led me to quickly realize that I needed to first and foremost...show you love. More specifically you all needed to see the face of Jesus Christ in me, and that is what I tried to do. Right from the start I told you all that I was here because I love you. I left my home and family because of that love for you. Yet, whatever I was able to do was because of God’s love for you and for me. Wherever you are in your faith you must know that God loves you more than you can imagine, and I hope I’ve been an example that you can remember back to if you should ever doubt or question that.  You are loved and you’ve been loved during your time here at Loyola.

As for Loyola, this school that you are now leaving behind, well, some things need to change if you are to come back someday to the school you remembered. First and foremost, Jesus Christ must be the reason for this school. No longer can Loyola just be because a few really want it to be. The legacy of Loyola as a great school will not carry it much farther the way things are going. Many of your teachers did their very best to show you the face of Christ over the years and they will continue to even after you leave. But Christ’s love needs to be reflected from the very top down here at Loyola. Jesus Christ must be the driving force for this school because as humans our best is not enough. The true teachings of the Catholic faith that Christ established almost 2000 years ago need to be renewed as the focal point for everything that goes on within this community. That means embodying the rich history of Catholicism through caring, compassionate love, while not being afraid to dish out the tough love this world needs. Jesus needs Loyola to wake up and be the shining beacon of faith on the hill that it can and should be.

Class of 2017, you need to do that as well. Place God’s love at the center of your life. When you are struggling, ask God for guidance. When things are going great, stop and say “thank you”. When you need to feel loved, go to Mass. That is one of the greatest things about being Catholic. We are all united in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Heaven and earth become one when we celebrate at the altar of God. Because of that, we don’t have to say “goodbye”, we can simply say “see you at mass”.

Pope Francis says “Every person is a story of love that God writes on this earth.” Go out and continue to write your story of love and change the world with the unending love that God pours out for each and every one of you.

As I finish things up here, I’d like one last time to pray the words that we prayed every day in my class. Words that I hope you will never forget. So together let us begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Soul of Christ, sanctify me…


Thank you Class of 2017. I love you and I’ll see you at mass.

An Interesting Year

As this year comes to an end there is a lot that could be said. My title does not really sum anything up. I've got 3 days left, and I know that tomorrow will be a very interesting day.
For myself it has been the last 8 days that have been the most interesting. For the first time, and probably the last, I gave a graduation commencement speech. The Catholic school I've been at this last year is like many others across the country. Declining enrollment coupled with a lack of true intentional identity or mission has put the school at a low point. In my speech I spoke some hard truths about the graduating class who I had taught over the last year and also some truths that the school needed to face if it is going to survive.
I received a few positive reactions and not much else. In typical Mid-west fashion those that took offense to what I said never told me directly so all of the grumblings I've had to hear second hand. One or some of my former students even took the liberty to tag my truck with a nice reminder, or confirmation, of the truths I spoke.
For the first time in my life I feel persecuted for speaking the truth. It is not a feeling that I believe should be a comfortable one. I'm more sad than anything at this point. But I said what I believe needed to be said so what comes of it will come. I've done what I could I pray.