Hope?

I had an interesting trip home today. My drive to the airport took longer then my flight, but I knew that, and it didn't really bother me.  What was causing me anxiety was what I might see when I arrived at my final destination at the airport.  A huge part of me hoped to see something at the airport, while at the same time deep down knowing that I wasn't going to see what I was hoping to see.  Even though I knew the answer in my heart, I still could not bring myself to call for a ride from the airport due to the last bit of hope I was holding onto.
I am questioning through all this was it really "hope" that I was holding onto, or just longing.  I 'hope" for the best, for what God truly desires, in all things and in all situations.  I see it as my duty as a Catholic.  Hope can bring so much joy, and it has throughout my life.  I knew this "hope" was not going to end the way I wanted it to.  Maybe the goodness I was thinking about, what I was hoping for, is not what God wants for me.  As much as that sucks and it feels like I am missing out on something amazing, all of this is bringing me closer to God, which is the most important thing.

I am home, by heart hurts, but I am with family and I know God loves me more then I can imagine.

Peace all