We're All Screw-Ups, But That's No Excuse

Thinking of myself first is one of my many faults. My selfishness shows its ugly face in a huge way every once in a while. Like this weekend when I had a chance to get to Reconciliation for the first time in a little while, but instead I raced off to a sale to buy a gun I wanted. The downside of working at a gun counter is that I now have a new and growing collection. But I didn't have to go right then. I had planned on getting to reconciliation right after I got off work. That day my selfishness came out and I didn't even think about reconciliation until later that night. I got mad at myself, said "sorry" to God and continued on my current spiritual slump. 

Today as I was driving a thought hit me about my relationship troubles that happened around the new year. I've been blaming myself for everything that happened. I don't know if that is being selfish or not, but it kinda feels like that. Not a bad selfishness maybe, but selfish nonetheless. I've put all the responsibility for how things ended on myself and what I did and said.  As I thought about it though, maybe it wasn't all my fault. 

I thought I was doing the right thing and maybe God was pulling me in a certain direction. When I explained my possible plans the reaction I got completely threw me off. As a result a relationship ended and I was left blaming myself for that ending. That's what's tough about relationships and something I've not put much thought into. For a relationship to work both people have to be following the will of God. If one person is following God's will but the other isn't, there is very little chance of the relationship working out. This doesn't ease the pain or make me really feel any better about what happened. It does give me a new perspective on relationships though. Falling into the actions of selfishness in thinking this was all my fault probably wasn't the best way for me to handle what happened, but I also didn't want to put any blame on a person who I didn't want to have any negative thoughts about. There are no negative thoughts, only a more fervent desire to pray for this special person and hope that she was right and I was wrong. 

No matter who was truly following God's will doesn't matter now; all is in the past. Each day is about living out God's will, which is how it should have always been. 

I've messed many things up, and will continue to. But others mess up to, and I need to remember that. We live in a world where every person has there struggles. That's not an excuse for my own failings. 

Peace all