It's no secret I am struggling. That's what life is about though right...? I just choose to "pen" my frustrations so that others can see how messed up I am in the head.
A few things as of recently that have gone through my head...
-I don't think I am doing enough work to show/prove that I have faith. Ya, I get it, Jesus saved me so I don't have to worry... but what have I been doing lately to show him that I believe that?
"Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me." ~Mt 25:40
"...faith without works is dead." ~ James 2:26Hence, my last, pissed off post.
-I am finding very little comfort in quiet prayer. The silence is just that, silence. I enjoy the silence, but looking back on my life, it always has been silence... I don't know what it is like for God to speak to me through silence. So, asked if I wanted to go to Adoration tonight, I declined with some stupid excuse.
-On another prayer note, having recently consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary, I am supposed to offer all my prayers to Mary who will then send those prayers to whomever is in most need. In turn, when I hear people asking for prayers, my first thought is... well, if you deserve my prayers you will get them. I find myself not praying for anything specific... I just say I give all my prayers and good deeds of the day to Mary so she can do with them what she may for the betterment of the God's Kingdom... has really shortened my praying... not sure if that's a good thing or not.
-Oh, and I am getting sick and tired of hearing the question of whether I will become a priest or not... again, since I have never really felt God talking to me, I have never felt "the call". And why is it automatically assumed that since I am, at least outwardly, a good young Catholic guy, that I must be thinking about the priesthood? If all good Catholic guys became priests where would all the good Catholic fathers come from?
and now, the song of the evening, that summed up a bit of what I am feeling
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