I broke down
pushed to the edge.
How does she stay so strong?
Never ending bickering
name calling.
Was there ever love?
What happened to it?
A comment here,
an outburst there.
Why?
What is accomplished other than causing us pain?
We are adults,
but I feel like a little kid.
I don't know what to do.
Separate already
or grow up.
She doesn't need the added cross to bare.
You can spare us the pain.
Why won't you?
What can I do to make you see
the pain you cause?
I don't know what to do so I left.
I broke down.
For whatever reason my parents seem to just be getting on each others nerves. My mom will make a remark, with very little compassion in her voice, and my father will lash back in anger. My father says she's lazy and she flashes back with name for him.
I can't get the image of the hate in her eyes as she spewed out those four words.
Getting to the kitchen table it was like everything was forgotten. All is okay...
All is not okay.
I told my sister I would pray for her as I said goodbye. That's when I felt the tears coming to the surface. I pushed them back.
My mom heard me say it and had a look of disbelief and bewilderment.
I got into my car and cried. Cried for my sister who has to live with them. Cried because I can get away, but my sister can't. She has enough burdens on her life. Why do they make it harder for her? Why does she have to be the constant mediator? Why can't they see the pain they cause?
Maybe it's just me. My sister is the strongest person I know. Maybe she can handle it. But she shouldn't have to.
What can I do?
I'm praying the Novena to St. Joseph. Yesterday, this awful day, I read how he is the patron of the family. I asked St. Joseph to pray for my family. Is that all I can do? Is that the best I can do?
I'm almost 27 years old. I can't imagine what this would do to a younger child. I always felt blessed that my parents never separated. Times like this make we wish they would have. There seems to be no love between them. Now it's just anger, and my sister and I have to bare the brunt. We have to be the adults. The tides have turned and I cried for 30 minutes because it fully hit me for the first time. What good is parental love towards their children if they don't love for each other. That love is supposed to be what created my sister and I. Now that lack of love is driving me further away from them, and all I have the courage to do is pray.
Saint Joseph, head of the Holy Family, please pray for my family.
It is a sad thing, that the marriage vow is a commitment to grow together from that point forward, yet for many all they ultimately do is grow apart, and that original vow is forgotten. And many watch television, and see that as "normal." It is a sad thing, to be sure, but like everything, it is not inevitable. We all have freedom; we all can change. We all can grow.
ReplyDeleteAnd with our lives we can change others --- with God's help. And so, you are right, prayer IS the first step. And we can be better examples. And we can give witness in so many ways, all growing not denigrating. And we can talk to reach others' hearts, but a true heart-to-heart talk is one-on-one. I remember the time when during our weekly calls mom said she feared dad would die soon, "he eats ice cream every night and has gained so much weight, and he won't listen to me." My next trip to visit showed evidence of her concern. After a couple of days together I asked dad to go out fishing with me; we sat for hours in the quiet of the boat and beauty of the river, and I recalled other good times we had, and dad smiled. "And I hope we have many more in the future, dad. Mom's worried that you've gained weight lately and aren't taking care of yourself. I can see why. I worry too, you know, and I love you." He only nodded, but a couple of days later I chanced to notice that the freezer no longer contained ice cream; he had tossed the containers out.
God works in mysterious ways; we know this. We wish He would work in our ways, or at least in ways we could understand --- to ease our anxieties. But all He said was: "Do not be anxious." And we pray, and trust. It is a hard thing, and I shall pray with you, my friend.