I was lucky enough to attend the wedding of one of my friends from college this weekend. The wonderment of leaving the desert started off the grand trip and deluge of emotions that would become my weekend... but don't worry... I'm not a crier.
The smile that spread across my face as I looked out the window of the plane onto the colors of a mid-west fall was, well, similar to the one I have now as I think about it... only a lot bigger. Breathing in fresh, slightly crispy-cool air for the first time in long time... well, it still gives me shivers thinking about it.
Feeling completely blessed to be where I was at the moment... I hadn't felt that in a while. That feeling didn't go away until I landed back in the desert... but I digress...
Seeing friends, laughing, chatting, leading the congregation at the ceremony mass for the responses (at least that is what a friend told me I was doing), just all of that made for a weekend where I felt truly blessed by God and happy to be me. I was relaxed and myself with my friends... I even made them laugh a bit I think. Holding on a bit too long with the hugs was something I was not afraid to do. I won't even talk about the sadness of saying goodbye because I am still riding the joy of seeing them all.
On top of all this, I got so see my brother and his wife, whom I had a wonderful conversation with. God just showered me with blessings!
Then, as if it couldn't get any better, I got to be the guest of my campus minister friend at his high school. Daily mass, adoration and a campus ministry office full of high school kids helped the smile stay on my face as long as it could.
God truly blessed me with a wonderful weekend and all I can think about is getting back there... seeing my friends, seeing seasons and experiencing a true fall and winter... ahhhh... I miss it too much already.
Then I remember... its not what I will, but what God will's.
My only prayer is for God to give me some direction... any direction... and please... please... may it be out of the desert... I don't know if I can do another year.
Pax
I would offer you a simple comment to ponder on, my friend: The desert is a big place, and despite the endless sand and dunes you may see all around you, you are not alone in the desert.
ReplyDeleteCheck out this woman's writings (http://mountainsandmollhills.blogspot.com/)
, who chanced upon my blog. Read her response when she felt that she was not alone. She is a woman who believes in a god --- kinda. She thinks things MAY get better --- kinda. She read some responses to her writings; read what she felt then.
She has a loving family, and yet feels alone in her depression. You, my friend, know God. And, of course, you have wonderfully intelligent, witty, and humble friends like me, who enjoy your existence here on earth and on the web. Thank you for writing, and not giving up.