Well, I did it again. I moved away from home back to Minnesota. Through the whole process I've felt pretty good about my decision. When I got here I was reassured when I both saw and heard how in need this school is of a change in their Theology program. There is another new teacher who I'll be working with and we also got an apartment together so I'm not completely alone.
Still, today had moments that got me down. Nothing that happened externally, just in my own head. Feelings of doubt and missing my family have almost brought me to tears today. They are the same feelings I had when I moved to Minnesota the first time 10 years ago. I held back the tears back then and I'm still able to today, but the feelings still suck.
Luckily, I know from experience that in time things will get better. I'll connect with my roommate/coworker more and get to know my students better. All of that will ease the pain of being away from home again.
I know that Jesus is with me and I'm trying to do His will. There souls here that I'll come in contact with for a reason and I have to trust that. The feeling of being alone won't last and the desire to just be with my family will lessen after I travel home for the first time.
Until then, I'm trying to have a healthy distrust of my emotions and do what Jesus brought me here to do to the best of my ability.
I just wanna cry, but I wont. I'll buck up, trust that I'm where I need to be and do what needs to be done for my students and this new school I'm at.
Peace all
There is a longing we all have that cannot be fulfilled. Union with God is the only true source of joy, yet, the pull of worldly things persists. The struggle goes on, but God is with me all the way. Here are my thoughts, findings and ramblings as I try to be my perfect self, for the glory of God.
Who Am I?
- D-Wherl
- I'm just a guy trying to trust in God and be the best I can be for God and others, then myself.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
Catholic First
Growing up at a Jesuit parish was not a big deal to me, mostly because I didn't know what being Jesuit meant until later in my high school days. Like many out there, I've read the "Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything" which definitely helped me gain a deeper understanding and appreciation for the Jesuits.
Yesterday was Saint Ignatius Loyola's feast day, which wasn't celebrated due to it being a Sunday. For lots of reasons the Jesuit Order is a part of my life, so these past few days have lead me to do some reflecting on the Order.
Unfortunately my stupidity and overall humanity showed through at the start of this process when I shared a blog article with a friend. The blog talked about how the numbers of Jesuits seem to be declining while the Jesuits themselves report that their numbers are increasing. My friend is lifelong Jesuit educated and is joining the Jesuit Volunteer Corps for the next year, so she's proud of and very defensive of the Jesuits. So I shared the article on her facebook page because that's the easiest way to do it honestly. I didn't expect a response, but she did write a long comment on it, which was very defensive, attacked the author and commented on how she'd have me rather than post it on her wall for all to see have me send it to her in a private message. Clearly I struck a nerve.
I don't like upsetting people, especially friends, but this incident has bothered me. And I guess my humanness is showing because the more I think about this the less I'm upset about making her mad and more frustrated with the current state of the Jesuit Order.
You don't have to be steeped in knowledge of the Catholic Church to notice that Jesuit institutions are frequenting the presses. They are not getting headlines because they are following church teachings, because that it not note worthy in our society. They get headlines and articles because they aren't. Just Google "Georgetown" and "Catholic" and see what pops up.
I'm frustrated because knowing pretty the life of Saint Ignatius I can't imagine he is happy with the way many in his order are conducting themselves.
The article I shared was fine, but the last paragraph is what got me and I much appreciated the point that was made.
At the end of the day my hope is that my friend will take the criticisms of the Jesuits in stride and remember we are all Catholic first, and that means so much more than any order or group we happen to identify with that is man made.
Yesterday was Saint Ignatius Loyola's feast day, which wasn't celebrated due to it being a Sunday. For lots of reasons the Jesuit Order is a part of my life, so these past few days have lead me to do some reflecting on the Order.
Unfortunately my stupidity and overall humanity showed through at the start of this process when I shared a blog article with a friend. The blog talked about how the numbers of Jesuits seem to be declining while the Jesuits themselves report that their numbers are increasing. My friend is lifelong Jesuit educated and is joining the Jesuit Volunteer Corps for the next year, so she's proud of and very defensive of the Jesuits. So I shared the article on her facebook page because that's the easiest way to do it honestly. I didn't expect a response, but she did write a long comment on it, which was very defensive, attacked the author and commented on how she'd have me rather than post it on her wall for all to see have me send it to her in a private message. Clearly I struck a nerve.
I don't like upsetting people, especially friends, but this incident has bothered me. And I guess my humanness is showing because the more I think about this the less I'm upset about making her mad and more frustrated with the current state of the Jesuit Order.
You don't have to be steeped in knowledge of the Catholic Church to notice that Jesuit institutions are frequenting the presses. They are not getting headlines because they are following church teachings, because that it not note worthy in our society. They get headlines and articles because they aren't. Just Google "Georgetown" and "Catholic" and see what pops up.
I'm frustrated because knowing pretty the life of Saint Ignatius I can't imagine he is happy with the way many in his order are conducting themselves.
The article I shared was fine, but the last paragraph is what got me and I much appreciated the point that was made.
This Sunday might be an opportunity for wayward Jesuits — instead of the usual celebration of the great Saint and his Company — to focus attention on the Eucharist and the unity of all the Faithful with the Magisterium of the Church, which should be the foundation for Jesuit education and spirituality. I bet that St. Ignatius would approve.Many "soldiers for Christ" are not following their calls to lead people to Christ and fight for the side of truth of goodness. I know this from my own personal experience.
At the end of the day my hope is that my friend will take the criticisms of the Jesuits in stride and remember we are all Catholic first, and that means so much more than any order or group we happen to identify with that is man made.
Friday, July 1, 2016
The Adventure Continues
I've been blessed the past two summers to work at a Catholic summer camp on a lake in the mountains of Montana. Rough life, I know.
I'm at it again this summer, trying my best to manage college age camp councilors along with up to 100 campers at a time. There are many challenges but many more rewards. Seeing campers as they get bigger each summer. Being present as sparks of faith ignite. I'm very blessed.
The summer has been busy and somehow in all the craziness I was blessed with a job opportunity. I've accepted a job that will take me away from Montana and family but allow me to keep involved in helping build God's Kingdom.
So here's to continuing the adventure. I've got nothing to worry about because I know Jesus has things taken care of already, I just have to cooperate.
Peace all
I'm at it again this summer, trying my best to manage college age camp councilors along with up to 100 campers at a time. There are many challenges but many more rewards. Seeing campers as they get bigger each summer. Being present as sparks of faith ignite. I'm very blessed.
The summer has been busy and somehow in all the craziness I was blessed with a job opportunity. I've accepted a job that will take me away from Montana and family but allow me to keep involved in helping build God's Kingdom.
So here's to continuing the adventure. I've got nothing to worry about because I know Jesus has things taken care of already, I just have to cooperate.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
What Am I Building?
In the mountains behind my grandparents farm, 7.5 miles back, is a lake that is the headwaters for the creek that runs through the property. I've always wanted to hike into the lake so I finally did it.
Setting out alone I made it to the lake in about 4 hours. I wet my line and 5 nice cutthroat trout later I headed back down.
My legs were tired and feet felt like they were being rubbed raw, but I made it back to the car in 3.5 hours.
As I drove home I turned to the Catholic Channel and listed to two guys who I've actually met and traveled through Israel with, Fr. Dave and Brett. After such a long solitary hike it was nice to hear something I could connect to and what I connected with was what Brett was talking about.
Brett is a few years older than myself. He just recently lost his grandmother, which, as he stated has caused him to reflect on and look at his own life. He's not married and has lived his life up to this point just doing things for himself, having fun and enjoying life the whole time. What he reflected on was his own family and how his family over many years was built. He seemed to almost feel guilty because his grandmother who he just lost was in a very different situation when she was his age. Looking also at his parents, he noted that his family had built over many years very loving and caring surroundings through selfless actions and careful planning. But his reflection looked at himself and how he hasn't really built up anything similar to that up to this point.
I very much understood what Brett was getting at. I've been doing the same thing since I hit adulthood and currently there is no end to my current lifestyle. Being 29, single, living at home with only a stable job during the summer months I'm not really building anything for my future at the moment.
That's where I know my faith comes in. Yes, I'd love to have a family and all that goes with it, but that wont happen over night, which is something that Brett noted as well. When the time is right, God will have prepared me for whatever my future holds. There are things I can do, like start saving more money, but all this time my character and personal integrity has been under construction, which isn't a bad thing at all.
When the time is right things will fall into place. I trust in God that I'll be ready when that time comes.
Peace all
Setting out alone I made it to the lake in about 4 hours. I wet my line and 5 nice cutthroat trout later I headed back down.
My legs were tired and feet felt like they were being rubbed raw, but I made it back to the car in 3.5 hours.
As I drove home I turned to the Catholic Channel and listed to two guys who I've actually met and traveled through Israel with, Fr. Dave and Brett. After such a long solitary hike it was nice to hear something I could connect to and what I connected with was what Brett was talking about.
Brett is a few years older than myself. He just recently lost his grandmother, which, as he stated has caused him to reflect on and look at his own life. He's not married and has lived his life up to this point just doing things for himself, having fun and enjoying life the whole time. What he reflected on was his own family and how his family over many years was built. He seemed to almost feel guilty because his grandmother who he just lost was in a very different situation when she was his age. Looking also at his parents, he noted that his family had built over many years very loving and caring surroundings through selfless actions and careful planning. But his reflection looked at himself and how he hasn't really built up anything similar to that up to this point.
I very much understood what Brett was getting at. I've been doing the same thing since I hit adulthood and currently there is no end to my current lifestyle. Being 29, single, living at home with only a stable job during the summer months I'm not really building anything for my future at the moment.
That's where I know my faith comes in. Yes, I'd love to have a family and all that goes with it, but that wont happen over night, which is something that Brett noted as well. When the time is right, God will have prepared me for whatever my future holds. There are things I can do, like start saving more money, but all this time my character and personal integrity has been under construction, which isn't a bad thing at all.
When the time is right things will fall into place. I trust in God that I'll be ready when that time comes.
Peace all
Saturday, May 28, 2016
I'm Getting To This Point
Lately I've thought about how impatient I am when it comes to big things. The wait for the big events in life like a new move, a new relationship. When it comes to those things I'm not as patient.
At the moment I'm being impatient but I guess the first step to getting better is recognizing my problem.
I know God has great plans for me. I just need some more patience.
Peace all
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Ever Changing Prayer Life
Honestly, I'm a fan of change. Maybe it's a symptom of my restless spirit or a result of whatever wisdom I've been blessed with to see what happens when people are forced to change. Whatever it might be, I like change.
Change is inevitable.
The only guarantees in life are change and taxes. (I think that was said at some point in history)
Of all the things that change in my life it seems to me that how I pray, the length and the frequency of my prayers changes the most.
I could change my genre of music, or my hair style, or my cuisine likes, but no, as a trying-to-be-good Catholic young adult it is my prayer life that is constantly fluctuating. The one thing in my life that I should be working the hardest to maintain. Literally my relationship with God, my prayer life, is ever changing. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's lacking.
As you can imagine I'm writing this right now because my prayer life is lacking. I'm distracted by worldly things but also going through a dry spell of very few answers. I've gotten nothing but "no"s so far in trying to figure out what direction my life needs to go.
I'm not worried. God and the workings of the Holy Spirit will bring me back into a better relationship Jesus, especially when I start up my summer job. Until then my prayers are short, but I'm trying to make them more frequent.
Peace all
Change is inevitable.
The only guarantees in life are change and taxes. (I think that was said at some point in history)
Of all the things that change in my life it seems to me that how I pray, the length and the frequency of my prayers changes the most.
I could change my genre of music, or my hair style, or my cuisine likes, but no, as a trying-to-be-good Catholic young adult it is my prayer life that is constantly fluctuating. The one thing in my life that I should be working the hardest to maintain. Literally my relationship with God, my prayer life, is ever changing. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's lacking.
As you can imagine I'm writing this right now because my prayer life is lacking. I'm distracted by worldly things but also going through a dry spell of very few answers. I've gotten nothing but "no"s so far in trying to figure out what direction my life needs to go.
I'm not worried. God and the workings of the Holy Spirit will bring me back into a better relationship Jesus, especially when I start up my summer job. Until then my prayers are short, but I'm trying to make them more frequent.
Peace all
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
A Year in Review
I know it's only May, but things are coming around full circle for me which has lead me to a good deal of reflecting lately.
I left my job as a youth minister to move home with the intent of going back to school. My childhood dream of being a wildlife biologist was still hanging out there, so I figured why not. After a few classes and the realization that I love wildlife but not all the crap you have to go through to study and work with them, I've moved on from that.
I'll admit that I've missed ministry. With many people I know in ministry having full knowledge that I'm still around I figured I'd still be able to do a bit. But nobody contacted me for help and the closest I got was being a confirmation sponsor. I still don't know how to take that.
So for the past few months I've been searching for direction. I've applied for jobs in the Midwest with the basic knowledge that there are jobs out there and a lot more Catholic young adults. I've formulated a few possibilities of what I can do, but haven't gotten any answers yet.
A couple weeks ago I got a call from my summer time boss who works for the diocese. He told me one of the largest parishes in our diocese was looking for a youth minister and getting to the point of being desperate. He told me that it was kind of a waste that a person with my skills was going unused in our diocese. That was nice to hear. So I called and talked to the priest and talked to my boss some more. Basically this has just added another possible direction I can go.
In the last few weeks I also got some rejections from positions I applied to in the Midwest. Parishes and Bishops like to keep things local as my boss told me. So having not heard from others positions I applied to coupled with the rejections I figured I could count out moving out of Montana. Then this morning I got a call from a priest in the Midwest. We chatted for a bit, mostly me just telling him about myself. He confirmed that it would be a bit of a culture shock for me but I assured him I was up for the challenge. It was difficult to read his thoughts and feelings about me so quickly, but he asked me if I could fly out for an interview next week. I take that as meaning he's interested, but I informed him I wouldn't be able to do that on such short notice. We agreed to set up a time to Skype for next week.
So now I don't know what to do. I've got options, but I don't know how excited I am to move so far away again. If I feel like I'm needed and could do good things in Midwest I feel like I can't count out doing that even though I'd be leaving a lot behind in Montana.
Things will work out. God is teaching me patience, that is for sure.
One awesome thing I was able to do this past year was to compete in Timbersports for my university. We just finished up the season last week. I've been very blessed to be on a team with great people and to be able to learn things that most people never get a chance to experience.
Here's some pics of the crazy things I've done.
Peace all
I left my job as a youth minister to move home with the intent of going back to school. My childhood dream of being a wildlife biologist was still hanging out there, so I figured why not. After a few classes and the realization that I love wildlife but not all the crap you have to go through to study and work with them, I've moved on from that.
I'll admit that I've missed ministry. With many people I know in ministry having full knowledge that I'm still around I figured I'd still be able to do a bit. But nobody contacted me for help and the closest I got was being a confirmation sponsor. I still don't know how to take that.
So for the past few months I've been searching for direction. I've applied for jobs in the Midwest with the basic knowledge that there are jobs out there and a lot more Catholic young adults. I've formulated a few possibilities of what I can do, but haven't gotten any answers yet.
A couple weeks ago I got a call from my summer time boss who works for the diocese. He told me one of the largest parishes in our diocese was looking for a youth minister and getting to the point of being desperate. He told me that it was kind of a waste that a person with my skills was going unused in our diocese. That was nice to hear. So I called and talked to the priest and talked to my boss some more. Basically this has just added another possible direction I can go.
In the last few weeks I also got some rejections from positions I applied to in the Midwest. Parishes and Bishops like to keep things local as my boss told me. So having not heard from others positions I applied to coupled with the rejections I figured I could count out moving out of Montana. Then this morning I got a call from a priest in the Midwest. We chatted for a bit, mostly me just telling him about myself. He confirmed that it would be a bit of a culture shock for me but I assured him I was up for the challenge. It was difficult to read his thoughts and feelings about me so quickly, but he asked me if I could fly out for an interview next week. I take that as meaning he's interested, but I informed him I wouldn't be able to do that on such short notice. We agreed to set up a time to Skype for next week.
So now I don't know what to do. I've got options, but I don't know how excited I am to move so far away again. If I feel like I'm needed and could do good things in Midwest I feel like I can't count out doing that even though I'd be leaving a lot behind in Montana.
Things will work out. God is teaching me patience, that is for sure.
One awesome thing I was able to do this past year was to compete in Timbersports for my university. We just finished up the season last week. I've been very blessed to be on a team with great people and to be able to learn things that most people never get a chance to experience.
Here's some pics of the crazy things I've done.
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