Fearful Yet Overjoyed

If you attended daily mass today you've already heard the words "fearful and overjoyed". This is how the Gospel writer Matthew describes the women as they ran from the empty tomb on the morning of Jesus Christ's resurrection.
These days I find myself feeling very much the same way, though sometimes the fearful part approaches that of being too much.
What I will be doing and where I will be come this fall is still very much a mystery to me. I'm very much torn between a desire to continue in ministry, which will take me away from home, and a desire to stay home and help my family.
My sister has been going through some tough things lately. The roommate she had up until recently was nothing but trouble so she is in need of a new one. Also, one of her caretakers has been very flaky and recently turned in her two week notice, so my sister is also looking for another personal care assistant. She's asked me before if I wanted to be her roommate, but right now I can't afford it and would have to move out in a few months anyway for my summer job.
If I do end up staying close to home I could be a good, stable roommate for her come this fall. That would mean I'd have to have a full time job and I wouldn't be able to travel much because she needs someone around every night in case of emergencies. I'm willing to do that, and would love to do that, but I don't know if that's what I need to do.
I'm looking at and applying for jobs in ministry and teaching. None of them are close to home and would require a big move on my part. All of which I'm willing to do.
To get back to it all, I'm fearful that I will make the wrong decision and regret where I am come this fall. Yet, I'm overjoyed at the possibilities that lie ahead of me.
I'm very much torn, while at the same time trying to keep emotions out of this and just let God guide me.

I'm praying the Divine Mercy Novena with the hope that God will give me at least a clear direction to head in.

Peace all

So Lumbersexual Is A Thing

I find this hilarious, mostly because I'm not a lumbersexual, but I kinda look like one sometimes.
I've been training and competing in Timbersports, so I know how to use a chainsaw and how to swing an axe.

This is funny though.

Here's a pick of me using a chainsaw in competition, on a pole 5 feet about the ground.

Peace all

Online Dating Article Too Funny?

I enjoy Eye of the Tiber. If you have a sense of humor, it's really funny.
A friend posted this article on the book face.
On-line dating is tough, there is no doubt about that. When I started off on the on-line dating route I'll admit I was almost as bad as the guy in the article.  I had high hopes of finding a beautiful and pure Catholic woman. There are many out there, don't get me wrong. I even met one, messed things up, had a second chance, but decided against it because of our mutual lack of openness to whatever the future might hold. Everything was there, but I couldn't do it because we both had different thoughts. So I've never been as bad as the guy in the article, but it has taken me a while, and a lot of humbling moments to get me to where I am now.
My past isn't spotless. There are many things I'm not proud to admit. So in that sense, I will never hold a persons past against them. My hope is that they have learned from their mistakes, as I have mine, as well as sought forgiveness from God, which is an ongoing process for me. Before a few years ago I had no desire to date anyone who had children. That was solely a pride thing. If I was going to marry someone I wanted to be the first person they'd ever be with. This is the exact mind set as the guy in the article, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I even had those thoughts.
However, attraction is still a major part of dating and discerning marriage, should dating a person ever get to that point. Unfortunately with on-line dating, you might only have access to one picture of a person and from that you can, or have to, make a lot of decisions. I've almost agonized over what picture I would have on my profile. Being terribly un-photogenic, its tough trying to pick out that one picture that I think makes me look desirable to the opposite sex. I know that my look is not going to be attractive to all women. But for my own searching, there are looks that I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to women who look healthy, who are smiling in there picture and have the confidence to even put a picture of themselves up on a profile. There are women though who I immediately do not find attractive. I don't automatically count them out, but I also don't seek to make a connection if I don't find them attractive at first.
(I actually can't really make any connection on my own, since I don't pay for the site I use)
So, basically I wore this to try to convince myself that I'm not as shallow as I think I am. A prayer that I need to pray more often is to ask God for help is loving people as He loves them and to see others as He sees them.
The search continues, but the search for God and His will for my life is the most important search I'm doing right now.

Peace all

God's Love For Each of Us

There are no shortage of love songs out there. At different times in my life it's been hard to listen to any of them. Though at other times they were all I wanted to listen to.
As what happens many times when I'm inspired to write, a thought hit me today. A song that my college girlfriend introduced me to. She actually put it on a CD playlist for me, back when people did that did that sort of thing. The song seemed to fit us perfectly, until it didn't.
This song honestly does not fit any relationship. It shouldn't take us finding the perfect someone to know that God loves us. But of course it's a catchy song and a feel good song. I fell right into that. Thinking someone was so perfect for me that of course that means God loves. To think that knowing God loves for you is dependent on you finding your "soul mate" is laughable. I don't even know if I believe in soul mates, for that's been covered, a few years ago I think.
What I guess I'm getting at is the simple truth that God loves us. He loves each of us more than we can imagine and nothing we do will increase or decrease that love. The sad thing is so many people don't know this or have a hard time believing it.
Love songs are nice and all, but God's love can never be summed up in a song, and neither can a healthy human relationship for that matter.

My Own Letter To My Future Wife

Hi,
I'm not much for words, or at least great ones. Writing is not one of my strong suits, but I can write from the heart, which is what I am attempting to do here.
If you are out there somewhere I hope you are doing well, and enjoying life to its fullest.
Life on this earth is short, but it can be wonderful. You weren't made for this world though, so please keep your eyes on heaven, first and foremost.
Jesus loves you more than I ever could or will be able to. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to love you as much as I can some day. I do love you very much already, and I am praying for you. Until that day comes when we get a chance to meet, please keep your thoughts on God and your trust in His will. We will meet someday, if it's God's will, so don't worry and don't fret.
I'll be honest, I've struggled at times. I've never lost hope that you might be out there, but I also haven't always done my best to be prepared for you. At times I thought I had met you, only to be shown that I was wrong. A certain addiction has hurt me very badly, along with many of my relationships. I'm recovering and thanks to God's grace I have a renewed strength to not fall into old sins, or bad habits and thoughts.
I'm sure you have struggled too. Please do not be ashamed of your failings and faults. Whatever you've been through has made you who you are today and I will never judge you for what your past contains.
Just to be clear, I have no desire to be the man you need. You need God first and foremost. My hope is that I will be the man you want.
Again, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. I ask St. Joseph to pray for you every night. He is the example of the type of man I want to be, so I trust in his prayers for you.
I hope you are praying for me too, because I can sure use them. I'm doing my best to trust in God and His will for my life. The desire to be in a relationship is strong, but I know I must be patient and trust in God that when the time is right He will bring us together.
In the mean time, please keep running towards God. His love is the most important thing in your life and getting to heaven needs to be your first goal. Hopefully we'll get the chance to help each other reach heaven, and God willing, maybe even some children.
I'm doing my best to be patient. I'm always looking for you and if I know the tiny bit about God that I think I know, we'll probably meet when we both least expect it. I don't know that for sure though, only God does.
Until the that exciting day comes when we meet, please know that I've been praying for you for a while, and that I will continue to do so.

Peace and grace be with you, my future wife

Video #2 - Deliver Me

Another song, and I don't look so pissed off this time!

The Need for Fertilizer

And he told them this parable: “There once was a person who had a fig tree planted in his orchard, and when he came in search of fruit on it but found none, he said to the gardener, ‘For three years now I have come in search of fruit on this fig tree but have found none. [So] cut it down. Why should it exhaust the soil?’ He said to him in reply, ‘Sir, leave it for this year also, and I shall cultivate the ground around it and fertilize it; it may bear fruit in the future. If not you can cut it down.’” Luke 13: 6-9

This has been one of my favorite parables since my cooperating teacher taught about it during my student teaching. It's a pretty easy parable to understand as far as Jesus' parables go, for those of us who know what the old fashioned fertilizer is.
Crap happens. Sometimes we need to be fertilized a bit for us to start bearing fruit. Fertilizer can show up in many different forms, but it will always help us to bear great fruit.

I had dinner with a friend last night. She was a part of my youth group and now she's in college and doing well. It was great talking with her and a good reminder to me that quite often age has nothing to do with the ability to have spiritual insight. I'm not very good at being a good friend or reaching out to people when I really should talk though something. I have great friends, and last night was a great reminder that God has placed wonderful people in my life for a reason.

Peace all

My Hometown

Pretty neat promo video for my hometown. Enjoy!