I Broke Down

I broke down

pushed to the edge.

How does she stay so strong?

Never ending bickering

 name calling.

Was there ever love?

What happened to it?

A comment here,

an outburst there.

Why?

What is accomplished other than causing us pain?

We are adults,

but I feel like a little kid.

I don't know what to do. 

Separate already

or grow up.

She doesn't need the added cross to bare.

You can spare us the pain.

Why won't you?

What can I do to make you see

the pain you cause?

I don't know what to do so I left.

I broke down.

For whatever reason my parents seem to just be getting on each others nerves.  My mom will make a remark, with very little compassion in her voice, and my father will lash back in anger. My father says she's lazy and she flashes back with name for him. 

I can't get the image of the hate in her eyes as she spewed out those four words. 

Getting to the kitchen table it was like everything was forgotten. All is okay...

All is not okay. 

I told my sister I would pray for her as I said goodbye. That's when I felt the tears coming to the surface. I pushed them back.

My mom heard me say it and had a look of disbelief and bewilderment. 

I got into my car and cried. Cried for my sister who has to live with them. Cried because I can get away, but my sister can't. She has enough burdens on her life. Why do they make it harder for her? Why does she have to be the constant mediator? Why can't they see the pain they cause? 

Maybe it's just me. My sister is the strongest person I know. Maybe she can handle it. But she shouldn't have to. 

What can I do?

I'm praying the Novena to St. Joseph. Yesterday, this awful day, I read how he is the patron of the family. I asked St. Joseph to pray for my family. Is that all I can do? Is that the best I can do?

I'm almost 27 years old. I can't imagine what this would do to a younger child. I always felt blessed that my parents never separated. Times like this make we wish they would have. There seems to be no love between them. Now it's just anger, and my sister and I have to bare the brunt. We have to be the adults. The tides have turned and I cried for 30 minutes because it fully hit me for the first time. What good is parental love towards their children if they don't love for each other. That love is supposed to be what created my sister and I. Now that lack of love is driving me further away from them, and all I have the courage to do is pray. 

Saint Joseph, head of the Holy Family, please pray for my family.

More Snow!

Yesterday was a beautiful spring-like day. It got to upwards around 50 degrees and I saw the first robin of the year.

This morning I woke up to 3 inches of heavy snow on the ground...

Good thing I'm now practically a ski bum or this would have made me as mad as that robin probably is!

Peace all!

Skier's Thumb

If you are one of my very few regular readers you know that I have taken up downhill skiing. I live 30 minutes from a pretty good mountain so why not, right?
Well, skiing down a mountain is only so much fun. The real fun is the terrain park. Catching air is awesome if not slightly terrifying sometimes. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to catch up with some of my youth from youth group who have the same idea I do, only they are a lot better then I am at this point. Following them through the park gave me a lot of confidence and I was having a great time.
I should have stopped then.
Cruising to the last jump, I now know that I had a bit too much speed. Up and over and boom. It could have been a lot worse, but I'm paying for that last jump and will be for at least a few more days.

My left thumb is pretty much immobile. Just try going through your day without using your thumb at all... it sucks and is difficult. 

If my own Lenten fasting was not enough I now have this to deal with. Still, I'm trying to look at all of this in a positive way. It's painful, but not unbearable. Sure, I have to put a bit more thought into everyday tasks, but its okay. I can offer all this up for the glory of God's kingdom.

Peace all

Remember that You are Dust and to Dust You Shall Return

I got to distribute ashes for my parish yesterday. When Father asked me I immediately rattled off my favorite phrase to say when applying the ashes... "remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return". The shocked look I received forced me to ask what the other phrase was that could be used. Clearly, Father did not wish me to use my favorite phrase, so I didn't. "Repent and believe in the Gospel"... won't be forgetting that anytime soon after the number of times I said it yesterday.
The morbidity of my favorite phrase is really what makes it my favorite. Too often in this day in age death is an afterthought, something normal people don't talk about or think about, until they really have to.
I say screw that! Death is going to happen for all of us and we need to remember that. One big reason why churches are empty nowadays is for this very reason. We don't think about death and by the time it catches up to us, well, sorry, it's too late. If more people thought about their death and then in turn the afterlife churches and masses would be in much higher demand. Is that why most of the people at daily mass are 30 to 40 years older then myself? Is the reality of death and the need for forgiveness something that the majority only realize after they are "over the hill"? It shouldn't be that way, but seems like it is.
Maybe I did a disservice by not using my favorite phrase...

I've had the conversation with people in my new community about what to do if death is looming. Hearing from a couple people that should they ever be seriously injured or in distress to call a priest before an ambulance has caused some self reflection for myself. These people understand that death is it and ya, it's going to happen, so make sure the good old fashioned, but not used anymore term of extreme unction is there before a paramedic is even on the road.  
The severity of having an unforgiven mortal sin on your soul at the time of death registers with very few.
Since the application of ashes is meant to signify our realization of our own sinfulness and mortality, we should all look more like this on Ash Wednesday anyways...

Peace all

We Have Room for Everyone on this Boat

One of the perks of getting a new car is now having satellite radio. Programmed #1 is Catholic Radio, for many reasons, hopefully some of them obvious. One of the many things I enjoy about Catholic Radio is even the commercials between shows teach something.
I believe it was Mark Hart who gave a very brief explanation of how the ark... aka a big boat, was an early symbol of Christianity. He explained how all are welcome on the boat, just as Noah brought all kinds onto the boat.

I think this is a perfect way to look at the Church today. We have Tradition and the Bible, the building blocks of our faith. They make up the structure of the ark of the Catholic Church.
Trying to steer the boat through a sea of death and destruction is the Magisterium.
On the boat, diligently working for all those aboard are the faithful priests, with a great deal of support from the faithful nuns and brothers.
As passengers are all the faithful laity. We are on the ship, with the support of the religious, floating on the one stable boat in an ocean of death and misery.
Clinging to lifelines are many women religious and priests. They want to be on the ship but for some reason can't quite pull themselves up onto the safety of the deck where they could stand and stretch. Instead the chose to keep floating out in the sea, clinging to rope but letting it slip through their hands day by day.
There are other boats out there, floating ever so slightly above the water, yet gradually filling with water.
Many loan souls are adrift, gasping for air. Some are looking for help while others are content to keep drowning for fear of what might be required should they find the ark and be pulled on.
As a youth minister I feel like a lonely deck hand who is trying very hard to throw out lifesavers to youth and families who are adrift on the sea. Many have in their arms the life saving flotation devices, and I am trying to pull them in, but the currents of the sea of death keep pulling against me.
The story of Noah's ark doesn't say much of the sea it was adrift in. My mind wonders what it looked like though. It had to have been riddled with death. Dead bodies of animals, humans, plants and debris. Very similar the how I see the world is today, a culture of death.
I will continue to pull on those lifelines and throw many more out to those in need. My greatest fear though is ever saying or doing anything that might cause someone to just ship.
Lord, please don't ever allow me to cause anyone to jump from your life giving ark.

Peace all

Need Prayers and Guidance from the Holy Spirit

My middle school youth group was going pretty well. I shared the story of the most recent eucharistic miracle and a decent discussion followed. For a group of middle schoolers this group I have wears me out every week. I wasn't prepared for what happened at the end of our discussion though.
A hand shoots up, with only 5 minutes left until I had to start greeting high schoolers as they were supposed to be coming in. For the next 8 minutes I felt like I was taking body shots and blows to the head.

"Why does the church hate gay people?" was the question I got. It wasn't asked in a nice way... there was a good deal of attitude and general middle school snarkyness in the question.

I didn't have a good feeling about what was about to happen but I tried to do my best. What followed was a glimpse into the understanding of our modern day middle school kids. It was clear right away that the current societal view of "do whatever makes you happy and feels good" dominates their understanding. Politics came up, gay marriage and dating... it wouldn't end. The questions eventually stopped and blatant statements beginning with "I don't think the Church..." started flowing and all I could do was... I don't know.

It came down to "well, this is something we can talk about next week" and we left it at that.

So what do I do now? I have a week to come up with a way to try to help my youth understand one of the most misunderstood teachings of the Catholic Church.

I need a lot of prayers.

Crappy Super Bowl, Blah Ads and Downhill Skiing

The game sucked and the only funny commercial's were the ketchup and the dorito's ads.

Okay, onto something more important. 

I haven't written anything in a while. Been busy, what can I say. There were a few times in the past few weeks when an idea popped into my head to write about, but I didn't follow through. Again, this blog is for me because I think maybe only 1 or 2 other people actually read it. All the other hits I get are from random google searches I believe.

Anyway... I have discovered a new sport.

Okay, it's not a new sport, but it is to me. 

Downhill skiing.

Fun? Oh yes!

Expensive? Oh yes!

Worth it? I think so...

It's great getting up on mountain, breathing the cold air, and even face-planting into the snow a few times isn't that bad.

Downhill skiing is kinda like my life. I would say God is like my skis. There are moments of complete fun when I let go and let the skis take me. Working with them, never forcing turns... that's when things are great. When I don't trust them and try to control them I face plant. 

When I make it down the hill, all I can do is get on the lift and take the slow ride back up to the top, anticipating the next run down the mountain. 

Ups and downs, falls and fails, exhilaration and excitement, fast moments and painfully slow moments. That's life and also downhill skiing.

Until I write again...

Peace all