The Cross is Steady

The Carthusian order of monks have a motto: Stat crux dum volvitur orbis, which in Latin means, “The Cross is steady while the world is turning.”

My world is turning right now. Back home in Montana my grandfather is dying. Dementia has been slowly affecting him for the last 4 to 5 years but it has been rapidly speeding up as of late. My grandmother has thankfully been getting more help. It seems to figure that as soon as she has gotten help he has started to quickly deteriorate. 

Since I left home in August there has been the worry of sad news coming every time my cell phone has rung. That feeling looms even deeper now that I truly know that that call will be coming sooner rather than later. 

That was a choice I had to make over the summer. How much of it was really my decision, in the end, I really cannot tell. The need to get back into doing some kind of ministry drove me only a year ago now. I could have taken a job closer to home, but this job seemed like a better fit. I honestly thought it would probably be easier as well (my laziness has unfortunately guided too many of my decisions in life).  So I moved over 1000 miles from home knowing that my grandfather could pass at any time. As of right now, I do not regret my decision to move. My time here teaching these students has honestly been a good thing I truly believe. The students I have worked with, at the very least, have less of a bad taste in their mouths towards God and the Catholic Church. At the recent senior retreat I truly felt like I had made an impact on them thanks in large part to their own words.  

As I have said before I've felt like my work here has been that of a missionary. Leaving home to bring to good news of Jesus Christ to those who are in need of God's love is what I have done.  This is not something I have done perfectly, but I have tried to do it with great love.

There is a statement made by Jesus to one of his disciples that has always bothered me a bit.

"Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead." - Matthew 8:22

 I feel as though I have in a sense done just this. Leaving my home to witness to the Gospel while my grandfather has wasted away has been tough. Some would say I should have stayed. At this point I believe I am meant to be where I am. The struggles my family has gone though were ones that I could not have done much to have eased. Maybe I am trying to convince my self of this. God only knows. But I do know that I will be able to return home when I am needed to help bury my grandfather and console my family. For this I am truly thankful.

So the cross remains steady, and thankfully, if I focus on that cross, the turning of the world seems less chaotic.

Peace all