Barriers and Me

If my last post came off all depressing and mopey, I am sorry, that was not my intention.
Is my life the perfect picture of what society thinks a 25 year old college graduate should be doing?  Heck no!  and I am totally fine with that.
I need this time right now, away from relationships and those things I thought I needed only a few years ago but managed to distort and take for granted.
Should I be blessed to meet a wonderful woman someday then this time will make me appreciate that time all the more.  If not, then this time will be a reminder that I can handle anything, with God's help.
I don't know yet what my path will be... single, married, the priesthood or brotherhood... only God knows.
I am not seeking a relationship at all... only a deeper one with Christ.  I am also not looking for any distractions and trying to avoid them as much as I can.
Am I doing a great job with any of this?  Yes and no.
It is easy to not seek a relationship, but staying away from distractions of all kinds in another matter.
All I know now is I need this next few months, maybe even a year, to grow closer to God, and at this moment, I am my own biggest barrier to get over.

Pax

Why Did I Have To Dream That?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dreams.  The ones I can remember are usually good, often interesting but sometimes there are ones that I would like to forget.

Last night I had a flurry of dreams... one after the other.  From being at my grandparents farm and running into a bear (which was kinda scary but exhilarating at the same time) to playing frisbee and even fishing; if I remember right.  But I had another dream.  One I was not expecting and one I would like to forget, or at least parts of it.

All I can recall was pulling into a parking lot next to another vehicle.  I got out and a person got out of the other car (sorry, not a real exciting dream as they sometimes come).  It was my last ex, who I have blogged about a little bit, which I regret but realize I can't do much about now.  We hugged, and what I remember most about the dream was the hug.  I know the dream was just taking me back to the feeling of the last time we did actually hug, but the feeling I felt during the dream was so amazing.  I felt truly happy and my whole being was filled with joy just from dreaming about a simple hug.  We proceeded to talk  but my memory fails me as to what exactly we talked about, except that, at the end, I know we parted ways... it didn't last... it wasn't meant to be even in my dreams.

Its a rare hour I can get through without thinking about relationships.  Personal, social and all others trickle or flood into my mind all the time.  One thing that has become clearer to me is that I need to make sure my relationship with God is at least on the right and steady up track before I can even think about a relationship with any woman.  That was a big mistake I made before, and I don't want to make it again.  

But back to the sensations I felt...it probably doesn't help that I haven't really hugged anyone in a few weeks, and as a young teacher, in a high school, with not many friends and no close family, the weeks with no hugs will just continue (especially if I want to keep my job).

Touch is an important thing... there is an unexplainable power  in the simplest of touches.  I guess when a person is as deprived as I am, this kind of dream shouldn't surprise me.  I just wish it wasn't her... I wish I was over her...

Peace

And so it's not all doom and gloom... here you go!

Teaching Grace

I taught about God's grace today.  It was simple really... maybe too simple.  But how can you really say a whole lot about something like grace?
It is a gift, or sometimes help, from God, that is undeserved but needed if we humans are to overcome our tendency to sin and it is our ticket to heaven.
I could have shown movies that the students would have not listened to for the next three days, but I decided against that.  Instead I tried to tap into the culture and show some spoken work videos.  The common reaction whas "why is the white guy trying to rap?"  They didn't care what the content was, they just wanted to be entertained in a way they are used to, or maybe they just wanted to complain about something so they could hear their own voices a bit.  Whatever the reason, teaching about grace was frustrating when I saw my students not really caring at all.  They need grace, but darned if I can make them understand it or make them see why they need it without putting on a dog and pony show, or be straight up mean and demand their attention.
Anyways... another day of teaching high school sophomores.
Here's one of the videos I showed...

Pax!

Seek Knowledge or Eat Your Pie

Humble pie never really tastes good, but in this instance I am glad to eat it.  Maybe it isn't really humble pie,  but I can't think of anything else to call it.

So what am I talking about you might ask... well, I am speaking to the fact that I am a teacher and I have come to realize that some things I have said in the past have not fully been correct.

As a theology teacher the question inevitably comes up each year whether or not I believe in hell or if people really go to hell.  From my past experiences and understandings, I had always said "no, I do not think anyone actually goes to hell".  I always prefaced this by stating something I had learned in high school; that hell would be an absence of God, and since God made everything, therefore hell does not exist.  To cover my tracks I would say something like the Church's understanding of purgatory would be what we think of as hell.

I don't think it is the worst thing I could have said and at the very least it may have given hope to students that were feeling, well, hopeless.

I have come to understand though, through the help of Father Barron and his wonderful YouTube series of commentaries, that what I have been believing myself and in tern teaching has been wrong.

The devil exists and hell exists.

Here's why... God indeed has created everything.  God created everything we see and do not see out of love, to be good.  In His love, God has given all His creation freedom.  We can either choose His love and accept His grace, or we can reject it... part of our being free.  There are angels and there are fallen angels; those angels that have rejected God's grace and love and exercise their powers on us through temptation in many different ways.  Thus, we have the devil and many demons (they tempt me oh so often).

Just as angels have chosen to not accept God's grace and love, so to can humans.  It is in the fact that God, out of His love for us, has given us freedom that we have to accept that hell can exist.  Undoubtedly, it is entirely possible that some humans have chosen to reject God and have ended up in hell.  It is well within our God given freedom that this is a possibility.  

Do we really know for sure? No.  But we can reasonably hope that all people are saved from hell. 

Pax!

Toughen Up!

Over half way through the first week of school and, well, its same old, same old. Students overjoyed... students frustrated... students whining...  just like I remember before summer.
And with that, I only have some words that I found today in another blog.  Words that I really like and for some reason as soon I read them, I felt better about a lot of things in my life.  

The man who couldn't stand to see the butterfly struggle, and slit open the cocoon to give the insect an easier time crawling out, stole the butterfly's chance to be strengthened through struggle.

So!  I need to challenge my students more and also be thankful for the challenges that I am presented with everyday... they make me stronger!!!!

Pax

Oh, and I couldn't help it... had to post this since it made my day after singing this at mass... well, not quite like this...

First Day of School

Well, I did feel a little like this guy...

minus the smiley tie and chalk board of course.
It was a good day though.  I laid down the law, so to speak, was clear on my rules, got a few laughs and some students might have learned some things.
Year three is starting out good.  I am very blessed, but I continue to pray to God that I will be prepared for whatever lies ahead.
Here's to a good year!

Pax

Lesson from Traveling

Well, I made it safely to the desert.  Year three, hoping this will be my last.  Kinda like how Jesus spent his three years preaching, hopefully this will be my last and greatest year before I start something new with my life.  Not really a resurrection, but maybe something similar... hopefully...
Anyways, so I was driving through the lovely state of Utah after spending the night in Salt Lake City with college friend and mother nature started calling.  If you have ever driven through Utah, you know there are not a whole lot of places to stop as soon as you get an hour from the Salt Lake area.  As mother nature was really starting to bug me, I remembered I had an empty bottle sitting next to me... hence, why mother nature was calling... duh...
Becoming desperate at this point and not knowing I would get a good chance to stop, I well... you know... got ready and had my well... you know... in the bottle, all while trying to drive at the same time (still probably safer then texting while driving), and what do I look up to see but a road sign saying "Rest Stop... 3 miles ahead"

The moral of the story is; when you are desperate for an answer, just be patient, because as soon as you go sticking your... well, you know... in a bottle... you might find the best answer a little ways further down the road.
It was an interesting lesson to learn, but one I needed I guess.

Pax

You Are the Pearl

I love thinking and looking at things differently!
With today's readings, the usual way to think about it is we need to give up everything for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven.  But, as Father spoke about today, lets flip this thought.
What has God done to get us?  Think about it!!!!
We are the treasure, we are the pearl.  God loves us so much, sees us as so much of a treasure, with so much worth, that he didn't just sell all he had, he gave his only Son for us.
Yep, I may have to have a lot of dirt wiped off me... and I mean a lot... but God still gave up everything for me, for you, for all of us because we are each the greatest treasures in the world... don't forget it!

 Pax!